We have been together for 4 years. It turns out he has cheated on me with eight different several times each. He says that will change. Can I trust that he will? I love him so much, and I want it to work, but I don’t know if he is telling the truth that he will change. He sounds sincere.. I am just confused.
Best Answer: The question isn’t “Can we save this marriage?” it is WHY SAVE THIS MARRIAGE? Your married to a dog, own it and MOVE ON!
- 8 different women. OMG
Toss him to the curb adn find someone that is faithful and will follow the vows they have taken
- Denial is not just another name for a river… Wake up!! Are you that whipped, to be so damn lame!! Listen to yourself lady, for Pete sake!! Eight different times??!!! Save what? Ask your self what is left??? Intimacy?? Not!!, he is getting that else where.. Faithfulness?? Go figure.. Truthfulness??Guess not huh.. You can’t go on telling yourself he loves you and he will change. If he was going to change you wouldn’t be asking this question. I would divorce him.. Or, if not… You can be his little pee on, wind up living on drugs to fight you HIV, and possibly be in so much pain because of your herpes, all because you love him so much.. Think about it, get your self down and get tested and move on with your life or fatally re-enact Romeo and Juliet..
- i know a lot of womens who just close the eyes in this situation…people never change!
- In my opinion, I have been there too, If you dont have trust, you have nothing, you are not helping yourself if you are doubting him. A marriage needs to build on trust, he broke that, and you need to find peace. There is only one way to be at peace, by allowing God to lead your life, it works, all you have to do is invite Jesus into your heart, and He will lead the way….He is love….may God give you wisdom…in Jesus mighty name…..amen
- If he’s cheated several times, he’s a serial cheater and the cheater has everything to do with him and nothing to do with your relationship. It will not end. Move on.
- Once can be a mistake.
Twice… well… probably not.
If this is the first time you’ve caught him at it and that you’ve talked about it, I’d give him one more chance. Make it very clear to him that this is the only second chance that he will get.
If he screws it up again, leave, and don’t look back.
- a cheater once, a cheater always.
- Why would you want to be with someone who had cheated on you 8 times? That should tell you enough already. If it was once that would be different, but 8 times? I doubt very much he will change. If you want to be in a faithful relationship then you would be better finding someone else who respects and appreciates the same. I learned a long time ago that no amount of wanting makes someone else change. Best wishes
xx
- no he wont change i been through it you have to decide if you still wanna stay or leave
- You’re confused alright! Get the hell away from him! How many times does he have to cheat before you realize he doesn’t love you? Doesn’t matter if you love him or not!! You’re going to stand for this?? Does it not matter how he feels about you? Only how you feel about him??? If you stay, then you get what you deserve!!
- sounds like a serial cheater. get out now.
- 1. Change locks on your house
2. File for divorce
3. Have yourself checked for Sexually Transmitted Diseases, including HIV
- Eight times… that’s eight times closer to a STD. Do you want HIV? Stick around. Get some self respect and leave this creep.
- Apparently, you love your husband so much that you are willing to insulate yourself from the reality of the situation.
Newsflash: Your love is NOT ENOUGH to force a man to change his ways.
A man must be willing to acknowledge his acts and then make serious changes to his lifestyle to avoid cheating again.
Further, if you validate his cheating by remaining with him, what is his incentive to change?
- Well you know the caying once a cheater always a cheater. But if it has only happend one time then everyone deserves a second chance but if he keeps doing it then chances are that he will never quit.
- The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. It’s easy for a liar to sound sincere but you have to look truth in the eye. He is a cheater! That is a deal breaker! You cannot trust him now or ever. You are loving what you WISH he were like, not what he is. Get away from him; grieve the loss of what could have been; and start over. There’s nothing but misery and hurt with a partner who will cheat and lie to you.
- If he’s cheated on you that many times already, there’s a good chance he’ll never change. I would suggest you go to counseling and find out the reason why he’s cheating. If he’s really serious about changing, I would say he’s going to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. If he doesn’t want to go to counseling, I would start looking for a good lawyer. Good Luck!
- 8 times he’s cheated and you want to know if your marrige can be saved? Any marrige can be saved if both key word being “BOTH” you & your spouse want it to work.
- Honey…..8 Times? He will not change. Deep down you must know this. I know your heart and love gets in the way, but once a cheater…ALWAYS a cheater!! good luck sweetie!!
- 8 TIMES in 4 YEARS! Hell no! Stop being stupid, he’s done this 8 times already. How many more times does it take for you to see that this man is a habitual cheater and womanizer? I would’ve been in a divorce lawyers office 7 cheats ago.
- I would say no with a 99% uncertainty. Give or take 1%.
He sounds sincere – I’m sure he does. He obviously is skilled in manipulating women. Eight girlfriends plus you in four years? This guy is obviously much more skilled in the art of con than I.
I just shake my head when nice guys like me can’t find a good woman to marry (I did eventually) but idiots like your husband can get them by the truckload.
You are a fool to do anything other than call a divorce lawyer.
- Counseling. He needs it, you need it together to re-build the trust.
If he is willing to go, maybe he is sincere. If he wont go, he probably isnt, and you should leave before he brings home a disease.
- 8 different women several times each in 4 yrs. If you think he’s going to change your kidding yourself. That’s my opinion.
- You are living a nightmare. Get out now. He will not change. You loving him is not enough. You deserve better!!!!!!!!! You are married to a liar, a thief for stealing your life and trust, and cheat. You are not loosing anything. God bless you and good luck. Move on before he ruins your life even more.
- a cheater once, a cheater always.
- 8 times??? I would have killed(not literally) my husband. DTMF.
- No, he doesn’t even know the meaning of marriage.
- oh no no no no no….don’t let him do this to you..been there done that and am now divorced. Yeah he will change but from one woman to another. LOVE? ok what is love to you. Cheating or being faithful? Look at it this way. Do you want to live your life not being able to trust him? now stop being so naive and move on with your life. No he wont change and no things won’t work out. Go out and meet new people and fall out of love with this man cause obviously he doesn’t love you. You cannot save a marriage after eight times several times each sweetie. CAn you sleep with him without thinking about the other women he’s slept with? Can you stand the fact that he goes out withou you and you sit there wondering where he’s at and wiht who? Can you you live everyday of your life with him without bringing it up that he cheated on you eight times or more? Can you hear him say I Love You and believe it? Can you have sex him with out wondering if he had sex with someone else before you? Are you really happy?…..I bet you said No to all of the above and if you have it’s time to move on..it’s not a bad thing to be divorced and be happy…It’s alot better then being married an unhappy…and if you said yes to any of the questions then you need phsycological help.
- eight times to cheat in such a short time married……..i hate to say it but it takes more than your love for him to make this marriage work. he has to have the respect and love for YOU to make it work. and that means no cheating what so ever. i don’t think he can change unless he gets some serious therapy. you have to ask yourself if you are willing to stay in a relationship with someone you can not trust. are you willing to put yourself through that kind of stress? good luck
- Yes, if you can completely get that picture of him in bed with another woman out of your head. Otherwise, I suggest you love someone new.
I mean I’m sure there still a lot of guys who have committed to do just that! Like you know when you’re watching a movie, you don’t want to spoil the fun by having someone tell you what happens in the next scene, or the ending? It’s like that with us guys who want to save our virginity till marriage! We want that special moment to be with our special someone–the one we’ll love till death do us part! Don’t you guys ever get that?! My God! What’s you’re business calling us wimps just because we’ve haven’t had sex with girls in high school?!?
Best Answer: Truthfully, modern society is very stuck on an angle that all men are dogs and want sex all the time. Guys like gals are individuals and each one is different. To lump an entire group of people (yes even guys) into a stereotype is wrong. Modern culture wouldn’t know how to handle a mature sensible guy, with reasonable goals and morals.
Kudos to you btw.
- Hell I wish guys did do that so I don’t know its more common for a guy to get as much sex as possible and the woman is expected to wait.. I think it be alot more purer and intiment if the guy waited to but most don’t care about that but expect their women to be virgins utterly insane. I admire you for that and think its awesome and I’m sure I’m not the only woman. To a woman such as me its a very prideful thing and I think your wise and just makes u a sexier man if anything and it is how it should be both should wait for one another but unfortunately that isn’t how society is hell u can do anything now in a marriage and it not be considered cheating as long as u don’t actually have intercourse which I find crap. That isn’t how God intended it for man and woman to act like animals and not care for the others feelings I find it a healthier relationship if ur faithful in every which way but all the same it falls hand in hand women should please their men more and I feel thats why it came down to society accepting forms of sexual desire to lust for another ok because men are use to not getting sex from their wives .. and for that it is the wife’s fault unless she is medically incapable. Not that I totally blame most women who are like that it’s just as much the mens fault who don’t care what their spouse thinks or feels about lusting and acting upon their desires for other women I think it a sin as God planned it to be… lol sorry got off track but I do agree with u I didn’t lose my virginity until 19 and guys called me tight and a tease because I wouldn’t sleep with them in high school I even had two of them try to force themselves on me if it wasn’t for my friend Joe theres no telling what they would have done but he took care of business and I am forever thankful he saw what was going on it was scary as Hell and felt so ashamed but later knew it wasn’t my fault they were just jerks I wanted to wait to marriage as well but made the dreadful mistake of not waiting and lost my virginity to some guy who cheated on me and later started becoming abusive when I tried to leave him..
- One question: Why do you care about what others think? You’ve made your choice and you don’t need to explain that to anyone.
Debbie
- Do whatever you want Kid. I don’t agree with you and ultimately you may change your perspective but it’s your nickle and your not a wimp for making a choice about your body. I don’t get it but what the heck, I respect your choice.
- I think it’s amazing when guys can hold off till marriage. I respect it fully.
- It’s not right, I agree with you. Personally, I respect a guy who commits himself to that, it’s the right thing to do. You have strong morals, and I fully appreciate that in a guy.
Been married for two years, dated for 8. My husband feels we have grown apart, and says he does not have faith it will work. I think divorce is not the right thing. He told me how he feels two weeks ago.In one week he has moved out and is determined to get a lawyer. He promises there is no one else in the picture. I feel his is not really thinking this through.
Best Answer: Of course it’s possible, but both parties have to be willing to work things out. It doesn’t sound like he is willing, it sounds like he has made up his mind. Most people don’t think it through, they go on their feelings at the moment. Divorce may not be the right way, but for him it seems to be the easiest route. I wish you the best. If anything go talk to somebody for yourself.
- actually you can save it only if you both were determined to, but since one of you is not interested anymore, then i guess it won’t work out…
however, you have to do your best till the last moment, try to talk to him and figure out what to do in order to fix it…
good luck
- i think it maybe time for you to realize that your husband does not want to be with you, even if you do not believe in divorce, its time for you to move on. there are plenty of fish in the sea
- if there is love?yes!
to all other ?s what are you doing girl? you need to work it and so does he
- Apparently there’s some major issues here. He’s been thinking about this for quite some time to have told you and moved out so quickly. It takes two to make any relationship work and it sounds like he’s not into trying. At this point, I’d be consulting a lawyer myself and maybe even some counseling.
- It IS possible to save your marriage. It will take counseling (individual and couple) and alot of patience from both of you.
- Since he is determined to end it I think it is over. You can try talking to him more. Suggest counsling but it sounds over. The fact that he is looking for a lawyer already could mean he is planing to screw you over. Get your own fast and prepare for the worst.
- I don’t think so. He is not willing to work it out or even try. Be strong and keep your head up. When he moved out in a week, that really tells you that he is serious and that it’s over. There doesn’t have to be someone else in the picture, but there is a possibility that he wants to see someone else. At least he is being kinda truthful with you. Its better for you and him to seperate than for him to stay with you cheating, and being unhappy because it still affects you.
- He seems pretty determined to leave . . . you will just have to let him go if he isnt willing to work on it.
- u can save ur marriage get some counselling have faith and believe.if u believe in God anything is possible
- There is always a possibility to save a marriage, whatever the problem. Talk to your husband and really ask him to say how he feels and how he thinks you are growing a apart. Do you feel the same way? If not, it can be sorted.
- get rid of him and marry me
- Something else is going on here. You dated for 8 yrs. That’s a long time. Did you push him to get married, or was it mutual? Did you live together first? There could be someone else in spite of his denial. Either that, or he is just scared of long-term commitment and the responsibilities that come along with it. I would definitely try counseling to get to the bottom of it. If there is someone else, find out who it is and confront her. There are ways you can find out. I wouldn’t give up yet. Men are very immature, and it takes forever for them to grow up. We women are much smarter about life then they are. We are stronger emotionally too. Good luck.
- I am so sorry to read this. With all due respect to you and your feelings, if he wanted to work on the marriage he would have been respectful and considerate enough of your feelings to have discussed them with you in the first place, before he moved out and declared he was seeking a lawyer.This would have given you the option to speak about your feelings and together agree to go to marriage counseling. Instead, he has taken the cowardly approach and has taken away your voice in the matter. You basically have no say here, hon, because it is already a done deal.
Unfortunately, while I know you think he hasn’t really thought about it, he really has – and for quite awhile. Otherwise, why the rush? Personally, and honestly, I think there is someone else on the side and that person poses an easy way out for him.
I know you are hurt and upset – and you should be, but as someone who has gone through a divorce personally, you will be better off without him. You can’t see this now, but in time you will come to know that relationships based on secrets and lies are not relationships at all, and frankly, you deserve better.
My hubby and I have been married bout 8 months, everything was going great, or so I thought! We just moved, bought a truck, he told me how much he loves me all the time, and how he was so lucky for having me, and how he wished we had met sooner. I have 2 children from a previous and they adore him and he loves them. Then WHAM 2 weeks ago his ex gf starts callin an things, and then he admitts to me, that on July 4th, he cheated with her that morning, and he says he doesn’t feel like there is as much love between us as there was. I didn’t even know we were in trouble!! It was going great. What do I do now?!?! I don’t want to lose him, and I want our marriage to work. Yeah we have a lot to work through, but he made vows to me before our whole church. What can I do? The ex knows I know about it, and I have emailed her(nothing mean) just telling her how I feel woman to woman. I don’t want my kids put through the pain again of a broken home. Please help any advice is welcome!
Best Answer: 8 months and he cheated on you, this relationship is way doomed,,, sounds like he married you because he was trying to help you out and then it dawned on him the responsibility, the blended family responsibility and he buckled.
if you cant work it out,, think long and hard before marrying again, your kids need you more than you need a man,
- Wow…so sorry!
As a mother, I can completely relate to you wanting to save your marriage because of your children. At the same time, if it’s not going to work out and you’re unhappy then the children will see that and in turn, be unhappy themselves. After 8 months he cheated and the ex is calling, then she is apparently trying to re-kindle some old flame. And all of a sudden there’s not as much love???? As hard as it will be, the best thing may be to leave him. If he cheated with her, there’s nothing saying that he won’t again…and with other people.
Now, if you feel that the two of you can save your marriage then by all means go for it. Just remember that it will always be in the back of your mind and it will be nearly impossible to ever trust him again. Just sit back, take a minute, and see your future together if you remained married to him. Then make your decision…
- If he felt like there was nothing there between you 2 anymore, he should have been man enough to tell you before he cheated. Is he will to go to counseling with you? Does he want to work things out? If not then you have no other choice but to end it.
- You got stuck with a looser. I wouldn’t even try to save this. He’s cheated on you after only 8 months of marriage! You are not doing your children any favors by holding on to a bad relationship. It will send them all the wrong signals, of what to expect in life.
- I don’t know if you can work it out. You have to ask yourself – can you trust him again????
- This attitude drives me nuts. No you should not GIVE him a second chance, he needs to earn it. If he wants to stick around, then you OWN him. You are the boss of him. Every password and email account is open to you. You have the right to inspect his phone, his voice mail, and know every number he dials. You OWN him. If he is going someplace other than work, he must tell you. He should expect you to show up any place any time. You OWN him. He needs to earn you back. See the difference.
- I’ve read the answers to your question and everyone is telling u right u need to drop him i know u married him for the right reasons and u thought he was a good mate, and u got married in front of the whole church, but don’t stay in a marriage because of your pride and what u think others might say, he broke the union u had w/ him once he cheated and committed adultery so the bonds are broken and he will cheat again either w/ the same woman or others, he’s basically telling u that he doesn’t love u he said “he doesn’t feel like there is as much love between us as there was” which means he doesn’t love u anymore or in my opinion maybe he never loved u in the 1st place! Don’t invest anymore of your time in this marriage, the simple fact that his ex knows u know means he doesn’t even respect u!!! Get out before your kids grow even more attached to this JERK!
- Tell him he killed all the love you ever had for him and you do not tolerate cheating under any circumstances. Tell him you’re real picky about who you choose to have as a role model for your children and he isn’t it.
- Well darling – I don’t know if there is much that you can do. It sounds to me like you have always been the rock and always been there for him, now he’s doing his own thing and making his own decisions in which you cannot control. Let him know how this makes you feel and have open communication with him to figure out what caused this ordeal. If he wont communicate and is convinced there is no love left – then you need to move on. As hard as it is. I hope things work out for the best!
- Get real his ex,could care less how you feel(woman to woman,lol)As far as hubby goes he has been lying to you,he has been kissing your *ss,because he felt guilty.The truth is he has been shagging her more than once,he told you,so it will appear to be honest.So now when you ask him if he is cheating,he can pass the test,by saying honey the only time i cheated was that one time on the 4th with my ex.You know what needs to be done.
- Drop him. You haven’t even been married for a year and he fesses up to cheating. This guy is not long term material. I am embarresed for you and I feel sorry for your kids.
Shouldn’t HE be the one on here asking questions about how to save his marriage? Honey, do not tolerate that not even one time…I PROMISE YOU IT **WILL** HAPPEN AGAIN.
- the big question is does he want it to work we know you do. you cant make it work if hes not willing and its hard to get over things like this happening to you. He may just be telling you there isnt as much love as he thought because hes playing a whole new game your not in……….shes back and old feelings are back in the picture sit down have a heart to heart and see what he wants then decide what to do
- Sit and talk with your hearts;think about your kids;if you have to make changes;you have to do it for a better life.
- I’m sorry sweetie. My husband cheated when we were married for three years, he just said it was a mistake and we were having hard times so it was an escape. I chose to stay in the relationship and work through it but now it’s two years later and I still really struggle with trusting him. Its not going to be an easy path but if you both dedicate yourselves to the marriage I think it can still be saved. Hang in there.
- Unfortunately, it depends on whether he wants to work it out or not. If he is not willing there is nothing that you can do about it. Talk to him and see if he is willing to work it out or go to counseling. I wish you the best of luck
- Oh hunny, I’m truely sorry to hear this. I always think “once a cheater, always a cheater” If he admited it to you, and if he did it, that means that your husband didn’t love you as he claimed that he loved you. Now that the ex is around he is more likely to do it again. Are you ready for more heart-ach? He is mostly likely to cheat on you again. Just talk to him, about what went wrong and if he is trying to be serious in the marriage, and take you seriously. If I was you, I would leave him, thats just disrespectful.
Good Luck
- you cant save the marrige devorcie is the answer
- Clearly those “vows” don’t mean sh it to him if he cheated after only 8 stinking months! You need to get out now before you kids become even more attached to him!
- divorce. you can’t save that
- It is not uncommon for someone involved in an affair to make those kinds of statements.
This Other Woman knew about you and his marriage before she chased him for sex, so don’t bother communication with her, it’s a waste of time. She is not the one who made vows to you, your husband did. This OW is only looking out for herself and will use your contact against you.
Tell your husband that you love him and want to work out your problems, BUT, you cannot continue with three in your marriage. Make the first demand to be that he stops contact with this OW. That means no ‘friendship’ as she is NOT a friend of your marriage and that while he continues contact, it will delay any rebuilding of the marriage.
Ask him to join you in counseling. Look for a counselor certified in couples/marriage counseling.
Ask that he get tested for STD’s.
Below, I am giving you a link to a yahoo group that has many links and articles saved in files that may help you deal with this.
- once a cheater always a cheater. Let him get back with his ex
I have been married for 12 years and have a 7 year old daughter. My wife came to me a couple weeks ago and asked for my permission to seek a relationship outside of our marriage. She has already had a 2 month relationship with this person and already planned vacations with him at the time of the request for permissions. How can I convince her that marriage is a sacred union and go with me to seek counselling.
Best Answer: I don’t think your wife even knows or respects the sanctity of marriage! I wonder why she got married in the first place! And I feel so sorry for your kid, who has a sorry excuse for a mom! Your wife is an adult and you can only try and reform her upto a certain point, not beyond. That’s why I think it’s best to just leave each other and move on if your attempts don’t work. You need to think of your kid too!
- lol Um.
You could of had a shot at saving your marriage until you gave her permission to have a sexual and emotional affair with another man.
I think its best you both move on now; if not for your daughters sake.
Kids aren’t stupid, she is probably more aware of things then you think.
- It sounds like theres more challenges in your marriage than this and if so this may be why she wont go to counseling as she doesnt believe your marriage can be saved. if thats the case its going to be nearly imposible to get her into counseling at this point. good luck
- I don’t think she even gets it, so just forget about her. Too bad you got a child with her, she (the child) doesn’t deserve this..
- You can’t if her mind set is what it is.