How Do I Save My Marriage

I’ve been married to my husband for 1 1/2 years. We are seperated right now. He has emotionally abused me in the past, but through therapy I believe we might be able to make this marriage work. The problem is, I emailed my sister-in-law (his brother’s wife) with concerns about my husband. She is a school counselor and has always helped me in the past. That backfired on me big time.

So I emailed his brother, sister, and parents to let them know that we were temporarily seperated. His sister, sister-in-law (brother’s wife), and his mom all email me back with their opinions about me. They were HORRIBLE and wrote untrue things about me.

Now I believe I want to make this marriage work. I’m battling depression and it’s been a hard weekend for me and I’ve been going back and forth on if I want this to work, but I think I do. Anyways, how can I get back with him and ever face his family again? None of them have ever really accepted me anyways, but I’ve always been ok over there. Is there a way for me to ever feel comfortable with his family again?

Any advice would be appreciated!!

Best Answer: unfortunately as you found lout, family will always side with family
they will not admit that one of their own is a screw up, as it speaks about them as well, so even if thy know he is abusive, they will not admit it

so going back will never be the same, maybe in time they will over look the email and see you for who you are, but the again you might be a constant reminder of their families failure and thus never accept you

the real question is, do you see a change in him, if not then divorce as there is no sense putting a square peg in a round hole

• ignore the family ,ask him wat he really wants ,tell him he need to make a choice for now ,and ma by it will be better with his family in the future ,bud when he loves you he is staying with you ,because some times the road off love and marriage is Very ruff

  Sweet mildred sent me to help you

• ignore them, look, who really cares, whatever they said is only their opinion, it’s not gospel. work on your marriage and stop caring what they think. the mature person doesn’t seek approval from people they din’t chose to be in their life–in other words; in laws..
• Well, Once a abuser.. always a abuser. I have seen that case many of times. And even seen them go to help for there abuse by going to classes for violent attacks -abusers -etc. I mean sometimes they do help. But the fact he is being forced to go there makes him rebellious to really want help any. He goes because he has to.. not because he wants to OK? Personally On a note. You and him will have another episode of abuse towards you. Even if they say he is ok.. and tell you this will never happen again. This marriage you and him have will never work out. I guarantee you that. I mean I hate to tell people this. But darn it all. someone has to be honest out there in this world and tell the truth.

  And as far as his parents -family etc. Nope!! Big mistake. I found that out through 1st marriage. As they rebelled against me .. even though they knew darn well my wife was at fault. it is better to keep it between you and your husband. Not your mom and dad and family or his mom and dad and family. Just you and your husband. Sounds Like they never liked you for some reason in the get go. So that may be part of your marriage problem. As they are telling bad things about you behind your back. And he is paying attention to what they are saying.. and listening and believing there words. I wish you luck. But think your marriage is down the toilet.. OK?

• Ah, in laws, gotta love them to death! Just remember you didnt marry them so quit worrying about impressing them. None of us are ever good enough for our beloved in laws so they will always try to find a way to get rid of us. Also never ever tell any in law any troubles you are having in your marriage at all. Never ever ask advice from them either. Even if you just shot your husband and they ask how your marriage is going, you tell them eveything is just fine. I think you have just learned a very hard but very valuable lesson about in laws here and its really too late to be telling you all this so I apologize. But its you and your husbands marriage and really doesnt concern the rest so dont be afraid to them to butt out, as right now theyre the least of your worries. Also just dont bad mouth them to your husband after all they are his family and blood is thicker than love. Try to ignore all their loving compliments about you by taking them from their source. Now you probably see why there are so many songs about in laws out here. Just to let you know that in laws are probably the number 1 problem on Q&A with no justified ad legal wat to do away with them yet so you definitely are not alone here. Personally, when one says “I do” thein laws should be out lawed. Good luck
• Well, shame on them for saying these unkind thing to/about you! You did absolutely nothing against them, they all had no rite to say the things they said about you. IF you find you are having a difficult problem w/depression, please at least go to your family Dr. & have him/her put you on a depression medication. I’m on one myself, I KNOW they DO help, they do work. So for one thing, do NOT suffer needlessly w/this matter. It’s an easy one to take care of. They should be the ones who are embarrassed to face you, not you them! To say unkind words about anyone, is down rite disrespectful & cruel of them. They should feel the shame in what they said against you. I don’t know if you just want to leave things as they are, but if not, I would email them & tell them just how you feel, & how could they say such cruel things about you or anyone for that fact, plus how could they say things that are just plain untrue to begin with. You could say you felt they were better than this, had more common respect for others, & just do NOT understand their need to attack you when you are hurting to begin with. I’d let them know you tho’t so much better of them all than to hear the things they are relaying to you. You do NOT understand why the need to actually kick someone when they are down, you tho’t more highly of them that what they’ve in fact shown you. But, they should be the ones who feel like completele fools, not you. Make up your mind IF you do love our husband in spite of them, you’d be married to him, not to them. But at some point in time, I feel you should take the opportunity to say just how you feel regarding their total lact of disrespect twds. you. You also have the “freedom of speach” as much as they do. I DO wish you the very best…:)
• Your mistake was involving them and their mistake was getting involved….a marriage is between 2 people, the husband & wife….not the mothers and the fathers, the sisters/brothers & their wives/husbands, and Joe Schmoe down the street whose wife used to babysit him when he was a kid.

  You think you are gonna be uncomfortable? How are they gonna feel when you face them at future family gatherings knowing all the choice things they said to you, and wondering if you told your husband what they said.

  I say some family counseling…by a professional who doesn’t know you all from Adam.