How Do I Save My Marriage

We’ve been through alot in only 2.5 years…hurricanes, family deaths, now I’m in Iraq. I’ve had a feeling that my wife and I were growing apart and just brought it up. She’s been feeling this way for some time now. We’re both changing but not together. What the hell do I do? Seems like the big “D” is right around the corner…we have no kids or anything so it would be a clean break as opposed to a messy one. Sadness would be our main consequence.

Best Answer: How about you just think of each other as friends for the moment? Given your circumstance you can’t do a lot to be super husband right now. Try reconnecting on the level you did when she just seemed like someone you wanted to spend some time with and wait out your deployment. When it’s over don’t come home with major expectations unless you have gotten to that place. Then figure out if your friendship is strong enough to rebuild your marriage on. If it is then you have the rest of your lives together. If you don’t then don’t worry about it and at least your friendship has been salvaged and you can divorce amicably.

• only divorce if you feel it is a chore just being with her
• If the both of you want to stay together, you both have to work hard at it & trust each other to make start making changes together, especially while your out there. Hopefully, she can stay with you till you get back from Iraq so you can work it out once you get home. Since your out there right now, this gives both of you a chance to be alone, away from each other to figure out what changes need to be made & to figure out what you both really want. If you both really love each other, then you will make it work. The key to a good marriage is communication, honesty, loyalty & having faith.
• The only reason the both of you feel that way is because you are miles away from her. It is not easy being married and in the Army at the same time.

  You have to choose one. Your 2 1/2 year marriage of the Army. Is she the one that you day dream about? Do you want her to be the mother of your children?

  Ask yourself some questions. Is the Army worth it? There are plenty other occupations that you are qualified rather than the Army.

  Think about it.

• war makes the marrages fail not other people, it,s not go to lose a marrage to save a friend ship. marrage has more in investing then jest a friendship but war kills a marrage,
• Well, you’re in Iraq right now. This is a trying time for both of you. I suggest that you wait until you come home and get reacquainted again before you decide on what to do.
• All I have to say is if you’re not happy together, then don’t be together. It will just insure a miserable life. If you can revive it, that’s cool too but don’t force it. Have a good day and hope this helps.
• i agree with arkiemom. now that you’re in iraq…not a good time to make a decision about marriage. i’m wondering if one or both of you is thinking of being with other people right now. on the other hand, i would NOT get her pregnant when and if you are back together. the last thing you want to is to bring a child into a bad situation. if you’ve only been married 2.5 years and some of that time has been out of country, you really don’t know each other enough to know whether you’ve really grown apart. i would come home post iraq, see how things are, make an effort to work it out. if it doesn’t work, at least you will rest assured that you gave it 100%.
• <<move back you jerk... id say end a war montage to save a marrage and a friendship... but it matters... after you get divorced from someone you cant really be frisnds with them - linkin_brandon973>>

  This is the correct answer.

• what would be the difference if you divorved your wife or stayed with her? all the marriage license does is show the other person that it’s not okay to sleep with other people.
  I’d say work through it. Of course you’re going to feel apart, you’re on the other side of the world. Maybe the sadness of being apart will bring you together.
• move back you jerk… id say end a war montage to save a marrage and a friendship… but it matters… after you get divorced from someone you cant really be frisnds with them
• I think your both being mature about it. There’s no since in hanging on when u both feel the same. No in this case i don’t think it’s wrong to end a marriage to save friendship. You will always have her in your heart. Friends will be there always be there for u, when your spouse isn’t.

  god bless you,& for your bravery so i can be safe & free here
  STAR

• I think maybe part of your situation deals with things you can’t control. Try to communicate with your wife and see what’s going on and where the marriage stands. In my opinion, i don’t think your situation is as worse as others. When me and my boyfriend were having problems, we did relationship exercises. We sat down and wrote down our dislikes. Then we discussed our dislikes without anyone getting mad at the other. After that was done, we then wrote down our likes. That was the fun part. If you really want your relationship to work, make sure she knows that. Ask her why she’s feeling the way she does. Seems like the only reason your changing is because you don’t like to see her that way. Try working things out before thinking about divorce.
• I would not make a decision until you return Under the circumstances you might not be thinking clearly. Take care and stay safe!
• Well! You sound like a pretty mature and caring person, my advice to you would be to sit down and talk this over with your wife that lets take separation, for a year, so that you can experience how sad and painful it is, to be away from each other, maybe you both need space, or a break, separation is healthy, gives you time to focus things, and think straight, don’t make any hasty decision that you might regret later on.
  Let me tell you, divorce is very painful, it will shatter you in pieces and you will be grieving for a long time, you will become sad and depress.
  Think of all the consequences before you take any decision.
  Most of the people will say “YES” and its very easy for them to say, because its not their lives, but I would certainly not suggest, divorce is not the solution to your problems.
  “IF” ever you need to talk, just holler, email me ivkun@yahoo.com
  You will be in my prayers, God bless you. Good Luck
• I guess friendship means your friendship with the ex. Don’t think you have much of a friendship after the divorce anyway.

  It is unfortunate that people become close when they deal with adversities together but grow apart when they are not together. It is common for military wife to put her own emotional needs/feelings — the abstract stuff — ahead of everything else. Not a whole lot you can do about her from a distance anyway — in fact, most men don’t know what to do with women who think they are emotionally distraught in the same house!! What you do must be actionable, and that is do your tour and come back alive. No point getting distracted.

• Try to save your marriage if at all possible. My best friend is my husband
• Isn’t marriage supposed to be for life? Until death do us part? for better or for worse? What happened to working on the marriage? Fix it!
• marriage is not easy, even for couples that get to see eachother everyday and dont have a lot of problems like yourself. Its hard hard work, especially the first 5 years. Work through it you love her you dedicated your life to her. just keep working at it, and try to grow together, as long as you both are willing to try it can work. good luck.
• You can try and grow together. Change or no change y’all married each b/c y’all love each other ( I hope). When you get home start from scratch with her.