Been married for two years, dated for 8. My husband feels we have grown apart, and says he does not have faith it will work. I think divorce is not the right thing. He told me how he feels two weeks ago.In one week he has moved out and is determined to get a lawyer. He promises there is no one else in the picture. I feel his is not really thinking this through.
Best Answer: Of course it’s possible, but both parties have to be willing to work things out. It doesn’t sound like he is willing, it sounds like he has made up his mind. Most people don’t think it through, they go on their feelings at the moment. Divorce may not be the right way, but for him it seems to be the easiest route. I wish you the best. If anything go talk to somebody for yourself.
- actually you can save it only if you both were determined to, but since one of you is not interested anymore, then i guess it won’t work out…
however, you have to do your best till the last moment, try to talk to him and figure out what to do in order to fix it…
good luck
- i think it maybe time for you to realize that your husband does not want to be with you, even if you do not believe in divorce, its time for you to move on. there are plenty of fish in the sea
- if there is love?yes!
to all other ?s what are you doing girl? you need to work it and so does he 
- Apparently there’s some major issues here. He’s been thinking about this for quite some time to have told you and moved out so quickly. It takes two to make any relationship work and it sounds like he’s not into trying. At this point, I’d be consulting a lawyer myself and maybe even some counseling.
- It IS possible to save your marriage. It will take counseling (individual and couple) and alot of patience from both of you.
- Since he is determined to end it I think it is over. You can try talking to him more. Suggest counsling but it sounds over. The fact that he is looking for a lawyer already could mean he is planing to screw you over. Get your own fast and prepare for the worst.
- I don’t think so. He is not willing to work it out or even try. Be strong and keep your head up. When he moved out in a week, that really tells you that he is serious and that it’s over. There doesn’t have to be someone else in the picture, but there is a possibility that he wants to see someone else. At least he is being kinda truthful with you. Its better for you and him to seperate than for him to stay with you cheating, and being unhappy because it still affects you.
- He seems pretty determined to leave . . . you will just have to let him go if he isnt willing to work on it.
- u can save ur marriage get some counselling have faith and believe.if u believe in God anything is possible
- There is always a possibility to save a marriage, whatever the problem. Talk to your husband and really ask him to say how he feels and how he thinks you are growing a apart. Do you feel the same way? If not, it can be sorted.
- get rid of him and marry me
- Something else is going on here. You dated for 8 yrs. That’s a long time. Did you push him to get married, or was it mutual? Did you live together first? There could be someone else in spite of his denial. Either that, or he is just scared of long-term commitment and the responsibilities that come along with it. I would definitely try counseling to get to the bottom of it. If there is someone else, find out who it is and confront her. There are ways you can find out. I wouldn’t give up yet. Men are very immature, and it takes forever for them to grow up. We women are much smarter about life then they are. We are stronger emotionally too. Good luck.
- I am so sorry to read this. With all due respect to you and your feelings, if he wanted to work on the marriage he would have been respectful and considerate enough of your feelings to have discussed them with you in the first place, before he moved out and declared he was seeking a lawyer.This would have given you the option to speak about your feelings and together agree to go to marriage counseling. Instead, he has taken the cowardly approach and has taken away your voice in the matter. You basically have no say here, hon, because it is already a done deal.
Unfortunately, while I know you think he hasn’t really thought about it, he really has – and for quite awhile. Otherwise, why the rush? Personally, and honestly, I think there is someone else on the side and that person poses an easy way out for him.
I know you are hurt and upset – and you should be, but as someone who has gone through a divorce personally, you will be better off without him. You can’t see this now, but in time you will come to know that relationships based on secrets and lies are not relationships at all, and frankly, you deserve better.
My husband and I have been best friends with this other couple since August 2005. We have all pretty much spent every weekend together since then, even though I told my husband I needed a break every now & then. Back in June 2006 my husband & I got into an argument, I went off on the four wheeler to be alone. My friends husband came up and we talked and things happened, including kissing & oral sex, no sex. I didn’t tell my husband until August 2006. I couldn’t keep this lie in any longer. I love him and want to be with him forever. How can I make him understand that I love him and would never do anything like this again? The thing that hurts too is I came out and told the truth and he had to tell his wife too, they are doing okay and will most likely be okay. I can’t tell with my husband. One day I think things will be fine, and the next I think he’ll leave me. What can I do to prove to him that I love him and would never do this again?
Best Answer: Well both of you need to forgive each other . Your husband needs to forgive himself and you need to forgive yourself. Truly repent from cheating totally & return back to your ordained lifetime soulmate God gave you to have in the first place. Than ask God to forgive you and make Jesus your Lord of your life. Put God in the centered of your marriage ……….. ok !!! Start working on your marriage and don’t take the coward’s way out by getting a divorce . Marriage is what it is until death . When you speak those words “Till death do us part ” THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS. Honor the sanctity of your marriage !!!! Marriage is a commitment – bottom line; for better or worse. When we marry , we make a commitment to stick by our ordained lifetime soulmate through thick and thin.If our spouse screws up and makes mistakes , forgive them , work it out and maintain commitment. Get that picture. Hang in there and don’t ever take the coward’s way out by getting a divorce.
- You schedule a meeting with a therapist ASAP to Help you sort-out what was taking place within you that caused you to compromise your marriage & brake your holy vows you took together with your husband. After you’ve sorted thur that then bring your husband into a session & explain to him what you’ve learned from this whole ordeal. After that the real work begins by assuring him everyday, for the rest of your life that you will never ever never Cheat on him again. Then he too must work on trusting & forgiving you. Lots of hard afterwork for a few mins. of pleasure. I hope it was really worth.
Good Luck One Love…..Peac
- I always say that “if it’s not yours just let it go”
On your case if your husband is yours you would not have cheated. We are all human yes, but move on if you can’t be true to yourself. Just my thoughts.
- You have broken a sacred trust. You promised your self to him and only him. Even if your hubby was verbally abusive, cheating is cheating. If you felt abused in any way, leave for a while and get your head together, not give head to your best friend’s hubby and let him eat you. You have alot of painful work ahead of you I’m afraid.
- Obviously you need counseling. It would be great if your husband could go too. You need to realize that the “trust” in the relationship has been violated and broken.
Healing must begin and in order to establish healing some major steps must be taken.
First, it’s great that you have come clean (so to speak) and let him know this has happened. But do you truly understand WHY? Did you see it coming? In your heart did you want it to happen?
Counseling will help you break some emotional barriers that have been building for you over time. Your husband probably doesn’t trust you and doesn’t feel safe to trust you.
It will take some timefor you to understand the enormity of your actions, and he will need time to heal from the betrayal. Give him that time, think of how you would have reacted if he came home and told you he had oral sex with your best friend. No doubt your head would be in a spin for good while. Prehaps you’d begin to question yourself, him and the whole marriage.
Suggest that you both go to counseling together, but if he says he doesn’t feel he should go, let him know you will no matter what.
Also, he’s probably having mixed emotions because he’s not able to come to terms with the situation and why it happened. He apparently hasn’t had closure and is afraid of being hurt once again. In time, hopefully and prayerfully he’ll be able to truly forgive you and move on. But he will need to find a way to heal through proper counseling and assurance from you discoving what led you to that improper choice.
The only thing you can do is to ask God for forgiveness, ask your husband for forgiveness, seek counseling and allow your actions to speak louder than your words.
- The next time you need something on the oral level outside of your marriage, I say go to the dentist for a oral exam that shouldn’t cause you any marital problems.
What you are going through now is just why you should think before you act.
A argument doesn’t have to turn someone to oral sex with someone else husband.
You want to prove your love, put your actions where your mouth is and tell any man who want sexual favors from you that you give at home.
You need to deal with the circumstances and sit idly by to see if your spouse can forgive you for something I would find it hard to forget.
- How can you profess to love him? After an argument you do what you did? Do you even understand what it means to be married? It means talking your problems out with your HUSBAND not your “best friend.” I guess there wasn’t much talking because you had his d… in your mouth! You are disgusting!
- give him time, and no other reason to think you would ever doing anything like this again, however remember that god will never give you more than you can handle. All will eventually be ok.. It always is, even if it does not feel so at the time..
- you may be able to. my brother in laws wife cheated on him with his best friend they divorced for less than a year then remarried. they are still together after this second marriage. i think it’s cause he’s the only one willing to put up with her.
Anyway, I digress. Yes any relationship worth having can be saved. You are going to have to earn his trust all over again. If he wants to leave you as a result of this whole thing then that is his right.
Good luck to you.
- What you did was unbelievably wrong, and I am honestly surprised that the other wife is still with her husband. Not only did you betray your marraige, but you betrayed the relationship with your best friends. How can you even expect your husband to be okay with it? You’d probably never forgive him if the tables were turned so don’t act like you deserve something. You were the one in the wrong so deal with it.
- whew. Maybe let ur husband have his friends wife, then it can be done every once in a while
- give best friend, plus his wife 2nd chance
- Trust is the last thing to come back. If you really want it to work out, try counseling and let him have time. Learn from your mistake.
- Usually 1 mistake can be overlooked.
He has plenty of anger to let out…let him.
At some point though the anger must stop (he will milk it to get things he wants). He must decide to either get over it & move on, or just move on.
By the way, Hillary, Oral is sex!
- Wow, that’s a brave question!
I’d say you would be the solution to this problem, no one else can actually help you. It’s you who will decide if cheat or not.
If you truely want to save your marriage, you’d better not tell him. You prove your true love by not cheating again.
- prove it by living it.
and understand that the ball is in his court now. he will be completly justified in leaving you if he chooses.
if he doesn’t, expect him to be suspicious for a long time, and remember when you get mad at him for being that way, that you earned it.
- This is too much. You really blew it. I mean to tell you the truth I’m not going to feel sorry for you or for anyone who has ever cheated on their partner. You have no escuse to tell. No matter what he tells you, if he was drunk, how many fights you’ve had or if how many times your husband cheated on you. I have been drunk before but I have not once thought about cheating on my husband I don’t care if it’s just kissing. I have never and I will never cheat. If you want to save your marriage I suggest you go with a marriage counselor. Good luck and I’m sorry if I ofended you, but this is just my opinion.
- yes you relay did make a mistake and you wont get any sympathy from me. what i suggest is probably something you wouldn’t even pay attention to so i wont waist my breath. you new that it wrong before you you did what you did dint blame on anything else or that you were drunk that’s bullshit do you know the pain you caused or can cause to person? if your husband doesn’t already know dont tell him and make sure the other idiot doesn’t say anything and never ever do this again. There is so much that a person causes when there is no trust in a relationship and when there is not trust it causes mental,emotional,confusion,suspicion,que… so much more.why would you do this? if your not happy then get a divorce and go your way.
- there’s no such thing as best friend once ur married dear…once ur known as a wife/husband then ur partner is ur best friend and there’s no such thing as a platonic relationship…move from that place….stop seeing ur best friend
- including kissing & oral sex, no sex. Why is it people think oral sex is not sex?Once you break the trust there is no going back.He can no long trust you and he know longer needs you.Kissing another man is bad enough but You did have sex no matter what way you look at it.
- I’m not sure it can be saved. You broke the trust that your marriage was based on. Trust, in my opinion is about impossible to regain. Even if he did stay in this marriage, your husband would always have that nagging little voice in his head.
- Sounds to me like your S.O.L. (Sh**,out of luck). Was it worth it?
- Consider counseling. If your husband won’t go, go alone. It will help. Good luck.
- I don’t know if you can prove it, I couldn’t forgive my husband or my best friend if they cheated. A complete stranger, maybe. Not my best friend. Of all the people in the world, why the best friend. Being drunk is no excuse. If you do things like that when you drink, maybe you should stop drinking.
- Your A slut
- let him do the other guys wife in front of you, better yet join him and her in bed together or make it a 4 some
- All you can do is apologise, tell him how much he means to you, and stay true to your word. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to “make” him believe you. All you can do is hope he gives you a 2nd chance.
- You should consider counseling. It would be good for the two of you to go first and if neccessary bring your two friends in the second time. If your husband doesn’t want to go, go by yourself. But do not go to any councelor. Find one at your local church, if you have a chuch home to go to. Most will give free counceling.
- Your not awhore so don’t act like one.
- It will probably be o.k. but you’ve got to build the trust all over again which will take a lot of time and with time it heals, this really hurts and it makes no differece if you had sex or not it’s just as bad, you might as well have had! Are you all still friends? if so maybe you can enetre the game of swinging! Not that it will solve anything but it could make all of the realtionships better!
The call it cheating for a reason b/c it is a game you can play it well and by the rules if there was any set in the begining or you can chaet and lie and never tell or you can do what you have done tell and ask to be forgivin’ – You’ve done the best thing you could do by telling the truth all will be fine.
Reasure hubby you are an honest person and explain to him that communication is important and you want to be able to talk to him about anything including sex… There is no room for jelliousy just room for unconditional love even if this means having an open relationship b/c you do truely love him and want him to be happy even if that means being with other women! Sorry but true, you’ve opened that door! It may make your marriage stronger and you will learn lots about eachother you never thought you could…
best of luck.
- you had sex with someone else over a argument how low life are you , if i was your husband i drop you like a hot slut you are,, remember he may forgive you but he will never forget ,, sucks to be you
My husband and I have been seperated for about 3 months. He has recently arrived to what we all thought was the plan , to put our troubled marriage back together. Now all we do it seems like is continue the ridiculous fights, I work a regular work job, he has not looked for one yet, so he has a tenancy to leave around 9 for a local store, and often does not return til 3 – 4, and I am expected to be nothing but understanding,. Valentines, after a long day at work, he purchased a red rose from the gas station, dropped me off and said he had to run by a friends house, no call, no show, no Happy Valentines day, he surfaced the next morning with an attitude from hell, that if I was not so rude and unappreciative then he would not have to treat me so, Can it get much more ridiculous? I walk on egg shells cause I love him, I want to make him happy, but can’t seem to. His friend, his time, he says he has never had to answer to anyone, and today made stme. He hates his life – help
Best Answer: Yuck.
- My question to you is , how many years have you put up with sucjh hostile abuse and WHY??
You “walk on egg shells because you love him”???????
I do not mean to sound rude but when are you going to get a backbone. get the hell away from this toxic relationship, get some counselling to find out WHY you put up with it and get yourself a happy life???? He treats you like crap and it is your fault??????
ALSO you need to see a lawyer and find out what your rights are.
Good Luck and God Bless You dear
- Good grief! I can make this simple, stay sepereated or divorce him. He sounds immature and selfish. If you have to walk on egg shells to deal with him, then you don’t need him. Who wants that? And him placing blame on you for being rude and unappreciative, you definitely need to move on.
- And why do you still want him? He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t want to take care of you and he doesn’t want to get back together with you!!!!!
- My ex-wife was a lot like him. My advice based on what I had to do:
1. Grow a pair.
2. Walk out on him
3. Be strong enough to stay away from him.
4. Move on and forget him.
You also need to remember that most marriage break ups come from TWO people not seeing the issues. I am sure that if I spoke to him, he might tell a different story. If he is who you say that he is, move on!
I know this is not a ’sweetness and light’ happy answer, but I hope it helps!
- I seriously don’t think your marriage can be saved until/unless he is willing to get his own life straightened out. He has some real issues to work on before he is ready to be in a mature, loving relationship with anyone. I would stay separated, but supportive of him if he should decide to try to get some help and fix his problems.
- I would very much like when people post marriage questions to mention if they have children and how old the children are. If you have no children, you’ve done a great job of finding a complete loser to marry. If you do have children, you still married a loser but now you need to try your best to help him right his ship. I’m all for sticking out marriages, and before just up and walking away I can’t go on long enough about counseling and talking. Yeah, that’s right, talking. None of this sugar coated walking on egg shells BS either. You need to give him an honest, no BS assessment of how you feel and what you are thinking and you need to demand the same from him. Then decide what to do. If you can work it out, I pretty much guarantee happiness…presuming you both pull your own weight. If you walk away after this chat and perhaps some counseling, then at least you will both know that you did what you could to make it right and save it….but it wasn’t enough. There would be a little comfort from that. Any events that preceded these actions? I mean, I’m assuming he wasn’t like this when you decided to marry him. If he was…well…what the heck is wrong with you? Good luck.
- Maybe it’s time to ask yourself what’s really in this relationship for you?I know you love him. Unfortunately loving someone doesn’t make them the person we need them to be…it just makes them someone we love!
- Unless he realizes that he is a married man not a single little boy your marriage is a wash. Go ahead and file for the divorce.
- The better question is, why are you with such a loser?
I had married a foreign wife after a week later she was caught by ICA of entering singapore using different passport and name. We know each other for almost 1 year, I known her under her nickname, everytime when I went to visit her in china, she treated me very well. We love each other very much, due to the love she scare of me knowing about her past in singapore. After we decided to get ROM, she taking risk of using different passport and name to enter singapore. And now she was sentenced. Now our ROM cert is under her different passport and name, What I should do to maintain the marriage?
Best Answer: go to the closet embassy, they can help and explain.
I was under the impression that people who waited until they were married to have sex would not have the best sex lives.
They were able to keep their libido in check all those years. So maybe they have low sex drives. And of course, the young lover will be very inexperienced, and it will be awkward. It might make them uncomfortable. Years of saving sexuality would make them unknowledgeable about what arouses them, and how to arouse others. They find out that they’ve waited and now don’t enjoy sex.
But I could be very wrong. So I had some questions. Please answer if you like.
Do those who wait have sex for marriage enjoy having sex, and look forward to it, or is it a chore?
Do they have sex multiple times a week?
Do they like to experiment and try new things?
For women who wait, are they able to achieve orgasms?
Now that you are married, do you have a lot of sexual inhibitions, and things you just will never try?
Best Answer: yes you are very wrong, disregard all your assumptions and you have your answers