How Do I Save My Marriage

my husband and father of 2 of my babies, lies to me hardly works and would rather go fishing/hunting than spend family time w/us. he goes as far as telling me he is going to work when really he is going to the lake!! we have 2 babies, 19 months and 4 months and my 11 yr old son. he shuts off his phone so i cant contact him and never comes home on time, is hours late. i feel like his maid/nanny. he has never gotten up w/these babies i am physically/emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Best Answer: You’ve got to talk to him – you didn’t convieve the babies without him?! He has duties to his family that come before how he prefers to spend his off time. He lies, which tells me he’s aware that what he’s doing is not right – talk to him, make an appointment with a counselor, he has to meet you half way and be willing to sacrifice some things – for the good of the family!

• i can maybe understand having one child with this dead beat
  but why on earth did you have two??
  i hope you do not have #three
  get him to face up to his responsibilities by leaving him the kids once in a while
  just leave early in the morning before he has a chance to leave
  dont be gone for too long of course.. just until lunch.. have the baby’s milk and food ready for him..along with the diaper bag
  and say see you later ba-bye
  he has to learn what it’s like to be you
• Talk with him about this, if that doesnt work, personally Id rather be struggling and single then married and miserable!
• quit your complaining. if you don’t like it, you know where the door is.
  he is not going to change and you know that….
  take it as it is or leave.
• Your kids are young, but you need to get out of this relationship. You are in it alone now anyhow. He checked out awhile ago. Research getting out, daycare and going back to school. See if you can stay with a friend etc…

  He doesn’t care and you deserve better.

• And why do you want to save this marriage again????? If this man loves and respects you as a woman and as the mother of his children he would be there for you. You are his maid/nanny and that how he sees you. He disrespects you because he knows you won’t do anything about. I’m sorry for being so harsh, but it really p****es me off when I hear stories like this. I know you feel trapped because you have 3 children, but please find some help and get out of this situations. Don’t be afraid of being a single mother you’re already that now. Give your children a better life, let them see their mother as a strong woman.
• Move on with your life.

I have been married for 2 yrs this July. In 2005 my husband proceeded to break my 42 inch tv by kicking a hole through it when I came home at 1:30 in the afternoon after a teacher luncheon. During a screaming match I had with him he pushed me. I responded by calling the police. He was arrested and served with paperwork for a protective order. Two days later I found I was pregnant, I allowed the protective order to be dropped and allowed him to move back home. Two months later I lost the baby and went out with a girlfriend I came home and he verbally abused me severely and I threw a pillow at him. In retaliation he called the police and I was arrested and served with assult and served with emergency protective order paperwork.
Everything in my house was fine until last week. I had another miscarrage and went to a cook out at girlfriends house. He was irrate and would not let me leave the house when he became verbally abusive. He broke the tv again. Help any hope.

Best Answer: First of all, Why are you not on birth control!? There is too much drama and domestic abuse going on here. You need to stay away from eachother.

• 1.Anger management for ya both
  2.Marriage Counselor
  3.Ask him if he wants to stay married to you If you both work at it, maybe it could work. 4. Put some Prayer on it Bless ya both
• get help or get out.before it gets worse.i don’t know why you’re married to him or the whole situation but it sounds like a disaster.
  and you keep getting pregnant,obviously nothing wrong with your sex life.but you can’t build a relationship on sex.why are you trying to get p.g.?do you really think that’ll help?
  please get help and find out if you two are gonna work together or apart.
• You are both abusive and without professional help and anger management, I don’t see much hope.

  As a side note, stop getting preg. Get on birth control.

• and you with him why ?
  first off my hats off to any guy who can kick in a 42″ tv ( glass tube right ? ) as the tube is at least 1 1/4″ thick!!

  other than that
  he is not worth being with
  you are also as bad as he is
  maybe the 2 of you are toxic emtional bookend
  but that does not mean you should be with each other
  you need to be divorced as soon as possilbe
  and then go into therapy to work out any anger and low self esteem issues you may have
  good luck

• To answer your basic question, No there isn’t. Girl, leave now. This is a man that wants nothing more than to control your every movement. He’s not a husband, he wants to be a jailer. His temper, and violent rages show he has no real control. Get out before you’re six feet under.
• Both of you need some serious couch time, but in the mean time one of you needs to divorce the other. Fact is neither of you is a good match for anyone let alone each other. He has serious anger management issues and you need to leave him today and don’t ever come back. Sorry to say but that is what I would tell him too about YOU.
• There is nothing to save sweetie!

  Do yourself a favor take another path, your young and have no children change direction right now. Can you see yourself running away with babies. Don`t stay in a miserable relationship for years, it will end eventually better sooner then later.

• If you have to ask the question you probably know the answer.
• What are you waiting on, leave him before things get worse.
• It’s just a very toxic enviornment…I don’t understand why anyone would put up with that. Why don’t you just leave?

  P.S You do realize you wrote I threw a pillow at him, in retaliation he called the police and I was arrested. Last time I checked throwing a pillow at someone isn’t a criminal offence…otherwise I would be in for life!!!

• This relationship is at the end of a dead end road. Get out while you still can and DON’T have any children with this man. I’d give him that TV that he likes kicking so much. What a reeree.
• Trust and respect are the glue to any marriage. You can’t have one without the other. If you and your marriage lack the two it is going to be difficult to value and love one other. Search within your inner soul and trust the answers God provides . Then you will know the proper steps to take without feelings of regret or fear.
• You screwed up when you allowed the protective order to be dropped first.

  End the marriage. It’s not a marriage, it’s a boxing match and you are each other’s punching bags.

• It seems there is no common bond or love here. How long will you say til he hurts you? Time has come for you to move on here and leave him with his violent tendancies. This definitely is not good for you. You dont say if hes the cause for your miscarriages or not but this guy will do damage to you and its not worth it. It would take a very long timein counseling to help this relationship so youre best bet is to get out and move on,for you safety
• Why would you want to stay? It is time to get out. Nothing about this situation is healthy. You know what you need to do.
• Don’t buy another TV. But spend the money on a divorce lawyer instead. Get out before the guy beats you up so severely that you end up permanently disabled or, worse, dead.

  Promise you’ll leave? OK???

  And then heal. There are lots of great guys out there. And you’ll find that great guy that’s perfect for you and then you’ll get pregnant for real! With a baby that really wants to stay and be your little daughter or son.

  Good luck!!!

• sounds like a job for counseling and anger management. NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE HIT OR VERBALLY ABUSED
  If you are in danger, GET OUT, don’t wait, dot take time to read this , just go!
  Anger comes from many sources, the anger he has towards you may not be something you did, or didn’t do.However, anger needs to be controlled, today the TV tomorrow you?
  the police have already been involved. don’t get the coroner in on it too.
  professional help dear, get it.
• jesus woman get out. i just got out of an abusive marriage. my wife used to hit me, push me and tell me she was calling the cops because i was trying to defend myself and keep my son safe from her attacks. you’ll lose your self esteem and i’m sure he’s making it seem like it’s your fault. get out. easier said than done i know and you’ll be lonely but you deserve a guy that does not abuse….i repeat a guy that doesn’t abuse. my thinking is that one of your parents yelled. am i right? it’s not normal. email me if you need to talk. i’m going through a separation from my abusive ex. wife and it is very, very hard.
• No, I would say your hell with this guy should just about be over. I would not waste a minute getting away from this abuser.

  Why on earth would you allow yourself to become pregnant with this guy after all of the trouble you have had? You better get your birth control UNDER CONTROL.

• He is an abuser and this is just the start of it. Get out now before it gets any worse. Classic pattern, starts with verbal abuse, breaking things, then pushing, next he’ll hit you. Do some reading on abuse and you’ll see the pattern. I’m all to familar with it having grown up with an abusive father.
• get out now!! i have been married for 20 years my husband has never hit me. if someone hits you and you lost your baby twice. get out now, he should be put away and leave you alone
• Not without counselling, which should have been manidatory as part of your arrests. Depends on the state, I guess.

  Not to sound like your father, but you should be using some sort of birthcontrol, because it kinda sounds like you went back to him because of the pregnancy.

  The tendancies toward violence makes me very nervous for your well-being. Sometime apart along with some professional help would be the best move.

  Really hope you can work things out, but at the sametime you need to be strong enough to say “enough is enough” and make a break. Wish you lots of luck.

• What are you thinking? You should not be trying to have a baby at this time…..you have a verbally abusive and emotionally abusive relationship and a child should not be brought into such an unstable relationship. This man has become violent several times and he is not going to change. You should see a counselor because he will beat you down til you don’t have the courage or self-esteem to think you can make it on your own. This guy is a loser…dump him because lepeords don’t change their spots and you are just biding your time til he has another rage and more emotional and physical abuse.
• All I can tell you is birth control!

  What are you thinking? You must like this drama!!–I think so!

I am working in a MNC and I got married in Feb’09. I am from B’lore and my husband is from hyderabad. Before marriage my husband didnt want me to quit my job instead he wanted me to take a transfer to hyderabad. When I asked him what if I dont get a transfer immediately for that he told until you get a transfer you be in bangalore and we will meet up in the weekends. I dont know what happened to him all of a sudden, 15days before the marriage he wanted me to resign the job and I was not in a position to resign as I had taken a loan from my office. I told him that I would try for a transfer even he agreed. Every now and he keeps changing sometimes he tells resign and sometimes he tell dont resign. Not able to take any decision. Since I didnt get a transfer to hyderabad I went on leave to my in laws place. We have had arguments about this almost every day and we both decided that I would be resigning the job coming to bangalore. We both booked the tickets as well. On the day of travel he was not ready to bring me to bangalore instead he wanted me to resign from there itself. We had a huge argument and I came to bangalore with one of my uncle. I wanted to check with him once before I could resign. I called him he picked up the phone and said “I will not interfere in your life and you dont interfere in my life. Everything is over and you dont ever call me again”. Last week I called him, he spoke to me nicely and the next day when I called him he spoke so badly and he is asking me are you not ashamed of calling me again and again. It really hurts when he speaks like that. He is totally a mamas boy and he doesnt want any of my people to come to the house. Everyone in his house is blaming my mom that she is not allowing me to stay with my husband since my mom wants my money. This is not the truth. I stopped calling my husband. I dont know what to do.

Best Answer: Maybe some counseling will help. I would try www.healthyplace.com or www.marriagemax.com. Hopefully things will get back to normal. I wish you the best.

• As much as it sounds like you love him, he has issues. Controlling issues and something else that is distracting him. I would not allow him to make you resign. NO matter what. If he cannot understand that. Dissolve the marriage and find someone who will respect you as you need to be.

  Good Luck

My wife and I have different stances on various topics. One of those topics has gone from a simple debate, to what feels like a blatant insult. Same sex marriage. I believe, based on Christian principles, that marriage is an institution, appointed by god, between a man and a woman. My wife, believes that homosexual couples should be allowed to marry. Our society has passed tolerance and become acceptant of gay relationships. And to each their own. This is not a debate on homosexuality. This is a debate of marriage. When we took our vows, my wife has already admitted that she did not agree to the vows, or to my role as the husband and caregiver. She does not believe in god. She believes that people who do not believe in god, and homosexuals have the right to be married. I believe that makes the very ideals of marriage perverse. I am contemplating filing for a divorce, for the simple fact that she is making a mockery of something I honor. Please advise, good and bad. Thanks

Best Answer: There are of course two levels of marriage in essence, maybe three, 1st you might have religious or sacramental marriage, that which the couples ask for a priest or pasture to ordain in some way; 2nd you have legal marraiges, of which the religious marriages usually are, but in these cases a legal marriage would be a non -religious wedding, and then you have this 3rd category which is more marriage by actions, either self proclaimed or simply by living together in some states (common law or spirirtual is somtimes a word used).
———————–
I asked my priest how he would handle gay couples in church years ago when the mayor of san francisco allowed gay marriage. He said that he would handle it as he handles divorced couples who remarry. Meaning that if a couple marrys in the church unless they get a church annulment they are still married by the same principles of the church faith, and therefore in remarriage they are committing adultery.

In any case, whether there is a gay couple, or a couple which have a divorced partner, both live in a type of sin. Afterall, we are all sinners. So I think that the issue you are arguing over is not something to break up the marriage.

Think of marriage as legal means by which our laws provide protectios and assurances to couples who choose to live togther. When President Bush spoke about constitutionally outlawing marriage years ago, it sparked the mayor of San Francisco, a conservative married republican, to risk his career to marry couples which led to the recent CA supreme court decision. The mayor said something to the extent that the President seeked to disenfranchise, to isolate, and to remove any legal protection from a specific group in our society. Such actions historically have led to hate, and persecution, so I think that for the sake of tolerance you shoudl be willing to shake your neighborhs hand at church whether they are divorced or gay, whether they remarried after divorce or or married to a person of the same sex.

These laws that give divorce and gay marriage serve an important part of our “Roman” society because they are a means by which Caesar governs us. We need these laws to ensure that we have social order, and I do believe that of the two, only adultery (divorcing and then having sex) is on the 10 commandts, not gay marriage.

Of course marriage is an element of all societies.

Now, let’s be truly honest, this question is BS, and you really shouldn’t waste our time to put yourself on some silly alter. I think you need to stop complaining that some jerk you don’t like is against gay marriage. You’re not gonna convince anyone anything here they don’t already believe and I really this that you’re mocking religion in a hypocritical way because you seem to want people to accept you but you don’t want to accept others beliefs. Get off your pedestal buddy, and enjoy your life.

• I find it bizarre that, given how you so strongly believe in your religious principles, you married a woman who does not believe in God. What a strange thing to do!

  Secondly, if you believe in the sanctity of marriage, and if you believe that you are obligated to follow the vows you made before God, then it is equally bizarre that you are asking if you should divorce your wife. If you honor marriage, you are honor-bound NOT to divorce her.

  You need to figure out where YOU stand on YOUR principles, and then follow them, even if your wife does not. You have chosen a difficult path for yourself, but it may yet lead you closer to God.

• Well marrying someone of a different religion (or one with no religion when you have one) will lead to this. Getting a divorce would still be breaking the vows. But since she doesn’t believe in the vows (which is not the right thing to say to your mate) then it doesn’t matter if you break them (it still does in Gods eyes but he will forgive you).
• Get over your bad self. She isn’t making a mockery of something you honor, she is simply telling you she disagrees with your point of view.

  Incidentally, shouldn’t YOUR Christian principles dictate that ONLY adultry is a reason for divorce? Oh wait, that would be hypocritical of you.

• i think if you want to save your marriage you two need to agree to disagree and stop talking about that subject. there are many couples i know with different religious beliefs. they just don’t talk about it! you both need to learn to respect each others views and understand that you will not change them and just move on!
• My husband and I have the same disagreement. I think in a free country, people should be able to do as they wish. Our country was founded on religious freedom and yet it seems that unless you follow a certain belief system you’re really not free. I don’t know why you would need to save your marriage, you’re allowed to have differing opinions. Just agree to disagree.
• It is risky imposing your beliefs, regardless of how valid they are, on others, even your wife.

  However, I agree with you that marriage is holy, and, I don’t have strong thoughts about same sex marriage, but it seems wrong some how.

• your marriage is doomed because of one thing and one thing only.

  you DO NOT respect your wife’s freedom of believing whatever she wants to believe.

  YOU are free to believe and worship what ever you want. that’s your right. but you DO NOT have a right to shove your beliefs down your wife’s throat. what YOU wanna believe is fine. YOUR beliefs DOES NOT make YOU a better person than anyone else. what PEOPLE believe does not make them better or worse of a human being, but IT DOES make you an @ss if you force your beliefs to others.

• What the heck did you two talk about when you were dating….the weather??
• If I were on your shoes, I’ll move out, get a divorce and find the right women…
• I don’t understand why you didn;t iron out these problems when you were dating
• i think ure right n that if u dont love her anymore its time for a divorce,good luck
• So, you married someone who has a completely different belief system than you do, and now you want to know if it’s grounds for divorce. Um, it might’ve been grounds for you to not marry her in the first place, but for reasons only you knew, you chose to marry her anyway. Are you asking if it’s ok for you to pervert and make a mockery of the thing you “honor” just because she doesn’t honor it?

  You have major issues. Clearly you DON’T honor marriage very much if you’re so eager and willing to throw yours away.

• Why did she not tell you anything before you took the vowels, to one another, if you got married in a church, which I’m sure you did, she is the hypocrite, as she lied to god, and everyone else, at the church.I believe in god, as I got married in a church, and still go when I can.I am also divorced, cos had lots of problems that I couldn’t solve.I also have a gay bro, and love him dearly, he cant marry in this state as its illegal, and doesn’t want to anyway.I would ask her why she lied, and what she had to achieve out of all this, but if you love her,you should try to resolve her problem, as divorce will costs you lots more, I’m talking about thousands of dollars, and probably hating one another.
• as a fellow christian and mother of 4 kids and I also have a wonderful husband, I would say you did not know who you were marrying. which is unusual for a true believer. obviously she was not God’s plan for your life. She was not your forever girl. Maybe you should take time to pray about it. Go to church talk to a or your pastor. God has a plan for our lives from the day we are born:

  He says ask and he will answer
  he says seek and you shall find
  pray about your situation!

  he is in fact the great I am
  not the great i will be
  or the great I was.

  also try going to www.joycemeyers.org she is an amazing speaker/pastor who has a TV show everyday and you can watch it on line with your morning coffee. she talks about real life issues we as adults face every day and references the bible. She is outgoing funny and down to earth and straight forward. Her show is called ” enjoying everyday life. Good luck I will pray for your situation to be resolved. He has a plan for you you just need to figure it out. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” it is my favorite verse and has walked me through some hard times.

• There’s a saying that opposite attract. God created human being different from each other and all of us have views that can be different from each other. Tolerance and respect on each others belief is the best thing to do. You cant make her change her views because its against your belief nor she can change you. I will say if you love each others you will embrace that differences but if this causing you both a huge conflict and both cant seems to respect and understand each others belief then separation is your best option.
• Everyone has there opinion, and I don’t think that it is fair to hold that against her…and you vowed for better or worse…I don’t think that you have to agree on everything, and to get a divorce over that would make you the hippocit….you can agree to disagree…and move on to the next subject…there are going to be many issues that you guys don’t agree on, and thats OK…don’t divorce over something so petty…there probably other subjects that you don’t bring up, so why don’t you guys just agree that this is one of those taboo subjects, smile have great sex and enjoy your marriage!
• It sounds as if you two either didn’t discuss your belief systems, or ignored your differences before marrying. Technically, in the US, religion isn’t involved in obtaining a marriage license and a religious ceremony is not a requirement for becoming a married couple. So, the institution of marriage is not officially religious. It’s that whole little separation of church and state thing there. Choice of ceremony comes down to belief, and it sounds like you two don’t agree. If this is a big enough deal to you that you are considering divorce, I think you two have way bigger issues than the right for homosexuals to marry. You either need to get counseling and work out your differences or go your separate ways. Personally, I would be quite offended if my partner couldn’t respect my beliefs. You don’t have to agree with her, but as a man of faith you should realize that it is her God-given right to believe as she chooses. That’s called free will. For their sake, I hope you don’t have children. If you don’t, then please don’t have any unless you are able to come to terms with one another.
• Wow, this is a very awkward situation you have got yourself into my God fearing brother. It’s kind of wrong to want to bail out on the marriage due to some different marital views on the morals of marriage. I get where your coming from as to the biblical sense of the scenario and same sex marriage. You going to have to get off in your word and send your prayers on the mighty high to work and understanding in you guys marriage and in the meantime your going to have to agree to disagree on the matter at hand. Shooting your belief at her isn’t going to make her belief go away. The best thing to do is to leave it along and put it in God’s hand to turn it all around for his glory and name sake. God Bless You!!!!!
• although she didnt agree to the vows, you did right? and from a biblical stand point, the bible says in 1 Corinthians that if you marry and unbeliever and you are a beleiver, do not divorce them. if you really believe that God can do anything, then believe that he can change her frame of mind. i agree with you completely but you shouldnt take the easy way out as others do. And in any case, my fiance and i have some differences in opinions about many things, but those are the things that we dont try to come to a resolution about it if it doesnt directly affect us and if the issue doesnt change our lives when we come to any sort of conclusion and in this case, the gay marraige issue will not really affect your marriage because she isnt a man and you arent a woman. but all i hjave to say is that God is capable of changing the mentality of anyone. Pray for her.
• You intend to honor the institution of marriage by getting a divorce? You think it will please God to get rid of your wife because she disagrees with you? You aren’t making much sense.

  Instead of being so busy judging your wife and looking down your nose at her you need to consider the possibility that you have your head screwed on backwards. Go talk to your clergy person or spiritual advisor. You just might have some room to improve yourself.

• Are you covenant spouses? Is this the first marriage for both of you? If so, then you can not divorce her, regardless of any reasons.

  Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another? Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with
  pleasure from your hands. You ask, ‘Why?’ It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his.
  And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. ‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.” Malachi 2:10-16

  Mark 10:11-12 (Jesus) He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

  Luke 16:18 Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery

  If you are NOT covenant spouses, then you need to divorce her immediately, because you are in adultery with her. Since Jesus claims marriage to a non-covenant spouse is adultery, those in “legal adultery” will not inherit the Kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

My husband want to divorce because he says that according to the buddhist teachings I am to attached to him. What does he mean and how can I save the marriage by stopping the attachedment. What I am I doing wrong?

Best Answer: Who smokes the marijuana? You or him? It would seem that if marijuana abuse or addiction is involved, the Dharma. almost necessarily, is not. In fact, any interpretation of scriptural or realizational doctrine is based on logic and reason, and when one is high, they are delusional. Being high on pot befuddles the mind, and contrary to popular belief, leads one away from the truth. If your husband is a practicing Buddhist and a habitual pot smoker, then, chances are, his ability to discern the truth about reality, or suchness, is obscured by his karma and afflictions; let alone the pursuit of enlightenment for the benefit of others. Taking the Hinayana interpretation of the Four Noble Truths to bear, the root of suffering is the self-cherishing attitude. Getting high, or getting rid of you because you get high, is selfish. If there is something more to the story from his side, than your attachment or pot smoking is most certainly not the root cause of his wanting a divorce. Taking the Mahayana interpretation of the Four Noble Truths to bear, the root of all the ignorance that propels one over and over into the iron-mesh pit of cyclic existence is the self-grasping ignorance of true establishment of persons and phenomena. These two together, the self-cherishing attitude and self-grasping ignorance are the chains that prevent true compassion and true love to be realized by the practitioner. I can honestly say that I doubt that I have any ability for these teachings and I am the worst person around to give advice about the Dharma, but I don’t doubt the efficacy of the Buddhadharma itself as medicine to heal the ills that befall so many people, particularly those people in committed relationships. Lastly, a lot of people read something of the Conqueror’s teaching, smoke a fat joint and think they’ve got it down and then start making rash decisions about their lives based on this projection of their own paltry understanding, treating this precious Jewel like a palm reading at a carnival. It takes years of sustained effort and lifetimes of purification and hearing, contemplating and meditating on the Dharma, before one could say with any certainty that they know the intent of the Sage Buddha through something they have read. So, with conviction, I could say that anyone aspiring to make a definitive life decision using the invaluable Buddhadharma as the basis for that decision must have years and years of sincere study and practice under a recognized Teacher and should consult their Teacher. Likewise, someone who picks up a library book and says, “Yeah, that’s me! That’s us! That’s our situation right there – and it’s all your fault! I’m outta here!” is creating a great deal of negative karma by using the Dharma for their own ends.

• Since Buddhist do get married, I’m assuming he’s using the belief of becoming ‘attachment free’ as the excuse to divorce.

  Buddhist offers a Buddhist 12 Steps program, so I’m assuming they are against smoking marijuana.

  Go to temple with him and talk to someone there about your marriage.