How Do I Save My Marriage

My husband and I have been best friends with this other couple since August 2005. We have all pretty much spent every weekend together since then, even though I told my husband I needed a break every now & then. Back in June 2006 my husband & I got into an argument, I went off on the four wheeler to be alone. My friends husband came up and we talked and things happened, including kissing & oral sex, no sex. I didn’t tell my husband until August 2006. I couldn’t keep this lie in any longer. I love him and want to be with him forever. How can I make him understand that I love him and would never do anything like this again? The thing that hurts too is I came out and told the truth and he had to tell his wife too, they are doing okay and will most likely be okay. I can’t tell with my husband. One day I think things will be fine, and the next I think he’ll leave me. What can I do to prove to him that I love him and would never do this again?

Best Answer: Well both of you need to forgive each other . Your husband needs to forgive himself and you need to forgive yourself. Truly repent from cheating totally & return back to your ordained lifetime soulmate God gave you to have in the first place. Than ask God to forgive you and make Jesus your Lord of your life. Put God in the centered of your marriage ……….. ok !!! Start working on your marriage and don’t take the coward’s way out by getting a divorce . Marriage is what it is until death . When you speak those words “Till death do us part ” THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS. Honor the sanctity of your marriage !!!! Marriage is a commitment – bottom line; for better or worse. When we marry , we make a commitment to stick by our ordained lifetime soulmate through thick and thin.If our spouse screws up and makes mistakes , forgive them , work it out and maintain commitment. Get that picture. Hang in there and don’t ever take the coward’s way out by getting a divorce.

• You schedule a meeting with a therapist ASAP to Help you sort-out what was taking place within you that caused you to compromise your marriage & brake your holy vows you took together with your husband. After you’ve sorted thur that then bring your husband into a session & explain to him what you’ve learned from this whole ordeal. After that the real work begins by assuring him everyday, for the rest of your life that you will never ever never Cheat on him again. Then he too must work on trusting & forgiving you. Lots of hard afterwork for a few mins. of pleasure. I hope it was really worth.

  Good Luck One Love…..Peac

• I always say that “if it’s not yours just let it go”
  On your case if your husband is yours you would not have cheated. We are all human yes, but move on if you can’t be true to yourself. Just my thoughts.
• You have broken a sacred trust. You promised your self to him and only him. Even if your hubby was verbally abusive, cheating is cheating. If you felt abused in any way, leave for a while and get your head together, not give head to your best friend’s hubby and let him eat you. You have alot of painful work ahead of you I’m afraid.
• Obviously you need counseling. It would be great if your husband could go too. You need to realize that the “trust” in the relationship has been violated and broken.

  Healing must begin and in order to establish healing some major steps must be taken.

  First, it’s great that you have come clean (so to speak) and let him know this has happened. But do you truly understand WHY? Did you see it coming? In your heart did you want it to happen?

  Counseling will help you break some emotional barriers that have been building for you over time. Your husband probably doesn’t trust you and doesn’t feel safe to trust you.

  It will take some timefor you to understand the enormity of your actions, and he will need time to heal from the betrayal. Give him that time, think of how you would have reacted if he came home and told you he had oral sex with your best friend. No doubt your head would be in a spin for good while. Prehaps you’d begin to question yourself, him and the whole marriage.

  Suggest that you both go to counseling together, but if he says he doesn’t feel he should go, let him know you will no matter what.

  Also, he’s probably having mixed emotions because he’s not able to come to terms with the situation and why it happened. He apparently hasn’t had closure and is afraid of being hurt once again. In time, hopefully and prayerfully he’ll be able to truly forgive you and move on. But he will need to find a way to heal through proper counseling and assurance from you discoving what led you to that improper choice.

  The only thing you can do is to ask God for forgiveness, ask your husband for forgiveness, seek counseling and allow your actions to speak louder than your words.

• The next time you need something on the oral level outside of your marriage, I say go to the dentist for a oral exam that shouldn’t cause you any marital problems.

  What you are going through now is just why you should think before you act.

  A argument doesn’t have to turn someone to oral sex with someone else husband.

  You want to prove your love, put your actions where your mouth is and tell any man who want sexual favors from you that you give at home.

  You need to deal with the circumstances and sit idly by to see if your spouse can forgive you for something I would find it hard to forget.

• How can you profess to love him? After an argument you do what you did? Do you even understand what it means to be married? It means talking your problems out with your HUSBAND not your “best friend.” I guess there wasn’t much talking because you had his d… in your mouth! You are disgusting!
• give him time, and no other reason to think you would ever doing anything like this again, however remember that god will never give you more than you can handle. All will eventually be ok.. It always is, even if it does not feel so at the time..
• you may be able to. my brother in laws wife cheated on him with his best friend they divorced for less than a year then remarried. they are still together after this second marriage. i think it’s cause he’s the only one willing to put up with her.

  Anyway, I digress. Yes any relationship worth having can be saved. You are going to have to earn his trust all over again. If he wants to leave you as a result of this whole thing then that is his right.

  Good luck to you.

• What you did was unbelievably wrong, and I am honestly surprised that the other wife is still with her husband. Not only did you betray your marraige, but you betrayed the relationship with your best friends. How can you even expect your husband to be okay with it? You’d probably never forgive him if the tables were turned so don’t act like you deserve something. You were the one in the wrong so deal with it.
• whew. Maybe let ur husband have his friends wife, then it can be done every once in a while
• give best friend, plus his wife 2nd chance
• Trust is the last thing to come back. If you really want it to work out, try counseling and let him have time. Learn from your mistake.
• Usually 1 mistake can be overlooked.
  He has plenty of anger to let out…let him.
  At some point though the anger must stop (he will milk it to get things he wants). He must decide to either get over it & move on, or just move on.

  By the way, Hillary, Oral is sex!

• Wow, that’s a brave question!

  I’d say you would be the solution to this problem, no one else can actually help you. It’s you who will decide if cheat or not.

  If you truely want to save your marriage, you’d better not tell him. You prove your true love by not cheating again.

• prove it by living it.

  and understand that the ball is in his court now. he will be completly justified in leaving you if he chooses.

  if he doesn’t, expect him to be suspicious for a long time, and remember when you get mad at him for being that way, that you earned it.

• This is too much. You really blew it. I mean to tell you the truth I’m not going to feel sorry for you or for anyone who has ever cheated on their partner. You have no escuse to tell. No matter what he tells you, if he was drunk, how many fights you’ve had or if how many times your husband cheated on you. I have been drunk before but I have not once thought about cheating on my husband I don’t care if it’s just kissing. I have never and I will never cheat. If you want to save your marriage I suggest you go with a marriage counselor. Good luck and I’m sorry if I ofended you, but this is just my opinion.
• yes you relay did make a mistake and you wont get any sympathy from me. what i suggest is probably something you wouldn’t even pay attention to so i wont waist my breath. you new that it wrong before you you did what you did dint blame on anything else or that you were drunk that’s bullshit do you know the pain you caused or can cause to person? if your husband doesn’t already know dont tell him and make sure the other idiot doesn’t say anything and never ever do this again. There is so much that a person causes when there is no trust in a relationship and when there is not trust it causes mental,emotional,confusion,suspicion,que… so much more.why would you do this? if your not happy then get a divorce and go your way.
• there’s no such thing as best friend once ur married dear…once ur known as a wife/husband then ur partner is ur best friend and there’s no such thing as a platonic relationship…move from that place….stop seeing ur best friend
• including kissing & oral sex, no sex. Why is it people think oral sex is not sex?Once you break the trust there is no going back.He can no long trust you and he know longer needs you.Kissing another man is bad enough but You did have sex no matter what way you look at it.
• I’m not sure it can be saved. You broke the trust that your marriage was based on. Trust, in my opinion is about impossible to regain. Even if he did stay in this marriage, your husband would always have that nagging little voice in his head.
• Sounds to me like your S.O.L. (Sh**,out of luck). Was it worth it?
• Consider counseling. If your husband won’t go, go alone. It will help. Good luck.
• I don’t know if you can prove it, I couldn’t forgive my husband or my best friend if they cheated. A complete stranger, maybe. Not my best friend. Of all the people in the world, why the best friend. Being drunk is no excuse. If you do things like that when you drink, maybe you should stop drinking.
• Your A slut
• let him do the other guys wife in front of you, better yet join him and her in bed together or make it a 4 some
• All you can do is apologise, tell him how much he means to you, and stay true to your word. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to “make” him believe you. All you can do is hope he gives you a 2nd chance.
• You should consider counseling. It would be good for the two of you to go first and if neccessary bring your two friends in the second time. If your husband doesn’t want to go, go by yourself. But do not go to any councelor. Find one at your local church, if you have a chuch home to go to. Most will give free counceling.
• Your not awhore so don’t act like one.
• It will probably be o.k. but you’ve got to build the trust all over again which will take a lot of time and with time it heals, this really hurts and it makes no differece if you had sex or not it’s just as bad, you might as well have had! Are you all still friends? if so maybe you can enetre the game of swinging! Not that it will solve anything but it could make all of the realtionships better!

  The call it cheating for a reason b/c it is a game you can play it well and by the rules if there was any set in the begining or you can chaet and lie and never tell or you can do what you have done tell and ask to be forgivin’ – You’ve done the best thing you could do by telling the truth all will be fine.

  Reasure hubby you are an honest person and explain to him that communication is important and you want to be able to talk to him about anything including sex… There is no room for jelliousy just room for unconditional love even if this means having an open relationship b/c you do truely love him and want him to be happy even if that means being with other women! Sorry but true, you’ve opened that door! It may make your marriage stronger and you will learn lots about eachother you never thought you could…
  best of luck.

• you had sex with someone else over a argument how low life are you , if i was your husband i drop you like a hot slut you are,, remember he may forgive you but he will never forget ,, sucks to be you

My husband and I have been seperated for about 3 months. He has recently arrived to what we all thought was the plan , to put our troubled marriage back together. Now all we do it seems like is continue the ridiculous fights, I work a regular work job, he has not looked for one yet, so he has a tenancy to leave around 9 for a local store, and often does not return til 3 – 4, and I am expected to be nothing but understanding,. Valentines, after a long day at work, he purchased a red rose from the gas station, dropped me off and said he had to run by a friends house, no call, no show, no Happy Valentines day, he surfaced the next morning with an attitude from hell, that if I was not so rude and unappreciative then he would not have to treat me so, Can it get much more ridiculous? I walk on egg shells cause I love him, I want to make him happy, but can’t seem to. His friend, his time, he says he has never had to answer to anyone, and today made stme. He hates his life – help

Best Answer: Yuck.

• My question to you is , how many years have you put up with sucjh hostile abuse and WHY??

  You “walk on egg shells because you love him”???????
  I do not mean to sound rude but when are you going to get a backbone. get the hell away from this toxic relationship, get some counselling to find out WHY you put up with it and get yourself a happy life???? He treats you like crap and it is your fault??????

  ALSO you need to see a lawyer and find out what your rights are.

  Good Luck and God Bless You dear

• Good grief! I can make this simple, stay sepereated or divorce him. He sounds immature and selfish. If you have to walk on egg shells to deal with him, then you don’t need him. Who wants that? And him placing blame on you for being rude and unappreciative, you definitely need to move on.
• And why do you still want him? He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t want to take care of you and he doesn’t want to get back together with you!!!!!
• My ex-wife was a lot like him. My advice based on what I had to do:
  1. Grow a pair.
  2. Walk out on him
  3. Be strong enough to stay away from him.
  4. Move on and forget him.

  You also need to remember that most marriage break ups come from TWO people not seeing the issues. I am sure that if I spoke to him, he might tell a different story. If he is who you say that he is, move on!

  I know this is not a ’sweetness and light’ happy answer, but I hope it helps!

• I seriously don’t think your marriage can be saved until/unless he is willing to get his own life straightened out. He has some real issues to work on before he is ready to be in a mature, loving relationship with anyone. I would stay separated, but supportive of him if he should decide to try to get some help and fix his problems.
• I would very much like when people post marriage questions to mention if they have children and how old the children are. If you have no children, you’ve done a great job of finding a complete loser to marry. If you do have children, you still married a loser but now you need to try your best to help him right his ship. I’m all for sticking out marriages, and before just up and walking away I can’t go on long enough about counseling and talking. Yeah, that’s right, talking. None of this sugar coated walking on egg shells BS either. You need to give him an honest, no BS assessment of how you feel and what you are thinking and you need to demand the same from him. Then decide what to do. If you can work it out, I pretty much guarantee happiness…presuming you both pull your own weight. If you walk away after this chat and perhaps some counseling, then at least you will both know that you did what you could to make it right and save it….but it wasn’t enough. There would be a little comfort from that. Any events that preceded these actions? I mean, I’m assuming he wasn’t like this when you decided to marry him. If he was…well…what the heck is wrong with you? Good luck.
• Maybe it’s time to ask yourself what’s really in this relationship for you?I know you love him. Unfortunately loving someone doesn’t make them the person we need them to be…it just makes them someone we love!
• Unless he realizes that he is a married man not a single little boy your marriage is a wash. Go ahead and file for the divorce.
• The better question is, why are you with such a loser?

I had married a foreign wife after a week later she was caught by ICA of entering singapore using different passport and name. We know each other for almost 1 year, I known her under her nickname, everytime when I went to visit her in china, she treated me very well. We love each other very much, due to the love she scare of me knowing about her past in singapore. After we decided to get ROM, she taking risk of using different passport and name to enter singapore. And now she was sentenced. Now our ROM cert is under her different passport and name, What I should do to maintain the marriage?

Best Answer: go to the closet embassy, they can help and explain.

• Sounds like you’re getting played by an Asian Ho. I don’t mean to be cruel but it’s a common practice for foreigners trying to get into the US and once the objective is met they come up with all types of scams to loose their mark. I hope this isn’t the case for you but your first concern should be your freedom and staying clear of immigration and homeland security.
• Lucky thing the immigration step in and break her spell over you.

  Never marry an illegal immigrant.
  Never marry a ex-whore.
  China girls have 5000 years of courtesan history. Few many can overcome their wily ways. Go find a Vietnam bride next time.

• I’m sorry, but what country do you live in?
• contact a lawyer and ask them
• Forget about her and move on do you no what she did in Singapore for all you no she could be a terrorist.
• Hey loser please just pay for love in this country and don’t send away for any mail order brides. whores in this country need the work we outsource enough work to Asia
• Get a good lawyer…

I was under the impression that people who waited until they were married to have sex would not have the best sex lives.

They were able to keep their libido in check all those years. So maybe they have low sex drives. And of course, the young lover will be very inexperienced, and it will be awkward. It might make them uncomfortable. Years of saving sexuality would make them unknowledgeable about what arouses them, and how to arouse others. They find out that they’ve waited and now don’t enjoy sex.

But I could be very wrong. So I had some questions. Please answer if you like.

Do those who wait have sex for marriage enjoy having sex, and look forward to it, or is it a chore?

Do they have sex multiple times a week?

Do they like to experiment and try new things?

For women who wait, are they able to achieve orgasms?

Now that you are married, do you have a lot of sexual inhibitions, and things you just will never try?

Best Answer: yes you are very wrong, disregard all your assumptions and you have your answers

• 1. too many questions
  2. married life IS the best sex.
  3. At our age, we’ve tried everything we wanted.
  4. Since we know each other well, we know what each other likes.
  5. Sex is never a chore.
  6. When you have children, sex multiples times a MONTH is a dream.
  7. To quote Jeff Foxworthy, when you’re young and married, choosing between sex and sleep, you choose sex every time. When you’re older with children, choosing between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and hope to have a dream of sex.
  How true it is.
• Yes, and look forward to it.

  Yes.

  Yes.

  Yes (not me, but my wife).

  No.

• It’s hot learning about sex with someone you truly love and are going to spend the rest of your life with.
• This should explain most of it (please read): http://decenturl.com/associatedcontent/d…

I’ve been married now for almost 10 years. And 3 kids. Things have gotten so strained between me and my husband. This year my New Years Resolution was to figure out, once and for all, how to restore a good, warm and loving relationship with my husband, and have a truly great family life.
I have set up family night, date night. I am truly trying. I am not perfect I know I have not been the perfect wife. But I am trying to do better at the things that bother him, keeping up with the house better, . I try to get him involed in the planning , I have tried to set up a more oraganize life style. I am really trying I want our marriage to work with all my heart I know we love each other. But here is the problem. When I try to commucate with him about things I think needs to change he thinks I am criticizing him, I am not trying to do this. Then it turns into 1 big fight. I get the feeling he thinks its just a joke that I will give up trying so why should he even bother. HELP US

Best Answer: Perhaps if he sees results and realizes how committed you are, he’ll want to get involved. You can’t change him, you can only change yourself. So do what you feel comfortable doing, and your actions may motivate him. If you don’t feel this is working, I recommend counseling. It will give you so much insight. Good luck to you and your marriage!

• You might not want to hear this, but find a counselor. If he wants to go, that’s good, if he doesn’t then go by your self. I have been married for almost 20 some years and we have three children. (all born in the first 3 1/2 years we were married) don’t do the math, it will hurt your brain. Anyways, it is not easy. I have been to more counseling sessions without my husband that I care to think about. But, it has kept us married. Now that we only have one child at home, We seem to be doing pretty good. It was really stressful having 3 little ones so close together. If you don’t have the money or your insurance won’t pay for counseling, you should have some kind of counseling place in your area that allows you to pay according to your income. Don’t give up. Good Luck and God Bless
• Hi
  That is good that you are trying to get things sorted between your husband and you. Try a different approach when you suggest something new so he wont thing you are criticizing him…try to put it like this:
  What do you think…
  What about this….
  Do you like this suggestion…
  How about…
  I like your input on this….

  These are some suggestions to open up a constructive open conversation with your husband and both of you wont get into a big argument. I applaud you that you are implementing date night…family games night…but don’t forget the intimate stuff as well…also when he wants some (you know what I mean) don’t tell him no…cause that can become a problem down the road.

• You sound like you really want it to work, but the real question here is does he? It doesn’t really sound like it. He’s is seeing all that you are doing to change and fix things, but what is he doing? Picking fights with you.

  Marriage counseling would probably be s/thing to consider. As well as talking to him and asking him what he wants out of your relationship, from you, from life, etc. Ask him how he is feeling. And explain to him that you are not critizing him you are just asking him to put forth as much effort into fixing things as you are. Marriage is not all about the wife making the husband happy, it’s a two way street and you have to have communication, honest and open communication, and you have to have compromise, and you have to have both of the partners willing to put forth the effort it takes to have a happy marriage.

  Good Luck

• Honey he’s a grown man and you can’t make him do nothing. He has to want it for hisself. You can’t change him he would have to wanna do that his self.
• Why are you deciding what needs to be changed? Changed according to YOUR gospel? It won’t work. You need to ask if he wants to talk about it, not take charge Miss I Wanna Be Boss. It is only January and already you are talking about “saving” your marriage? How quickly the commitment passed. I am glad I am not there, I think I would run.
• Your first respondent hit it, hon. We never teach you guy how to communicate without rage and resentment, and if you are fighting, you do indeed have rage and resentment. There are ways to get your wishes and desires out there on the table without trouncing on his ego, and the whole thing erupting into a fight…. from what you said, you two get it on like two three year olds in a screaming match. Good!

  Arguing is erosive to your marriage–those words can never be taken back….. and your ideas about how to run your marriage comes across to him as control…. guys hate control freaks, and he’s likely seeing you in this fashion.

  We in public eduction turn you guys out with zero in the way of life skills…. we don’t teach you how to communicate (look at what a mess you are making of it) we don’t teach you how to shop for a spouse, how to budget…nothing, nada, zilch. And look at the mess you are in. And for that, as one of your teachers, I am so, so, sorry. We for sure have failed you, your husband, your marriage, and your children for not helping both of you be better parents and spouses…. cuz you are probably arguing in front of your children… great. They then get to see the inner workings of marriage and figure it is okay to scream, and get screamed at. I’m sorry.

  Sweets, get into counseling, even if you go alone, and only 3 times to learn the language of communication. We didn’t teach it to you, and it is indeed a learned skill.

• A good relationship takes two people working at it. It seems like you are doing everything you can to make it work. While you see this as trying to fix things..he may see it as you being controlling and trying to change him. If divorce is not an option, try counseling to see if it will open him up. However, if that doesn’t work..you may have a rough, long and dull marriage a head of you. BTW, I so understand what you are going through, we may want to exchange emails so that we can vent to each LOL..seriously, good luck..
• Sometimes the best thing you can do is take a little break. Instead of going to a prof. or counselor, I think you should just take a vacation by yourself. Go to your mom’s, sister’s, brother’s, or a relatives house. You have to show it to him that he can not live without you. Or living without you is very hard for him. Once he realizes this, he will be around you like electrons around atoms.
• Even though you are trying, the communication between you and your husband is lacking. Even when you try to talk to him about things that need to change, you are somehow coming across as critical. At this point I think you need a professional marriage counselor to teach the two of you how to communicate with each other. I might even help if you go just yourself and relate the issues you are having communicating. There are settle ways to speak to a person to keep things from becoming an argument. Good Luck.
• Have you thought about going to a marriage counselor? You may not mean to be criticizing him when you point out things he needs to work on but it could be the way you are saying it. Instead of saying, “i don’t like the way you watch t.v. instead of spending time with me.” Try saying, “when you watch a lot of t.v. I feel like I don’t get to see you and spend time with you. Could we try hanging out together for a little while?” It’s all about your approach. Men don’t like it when we bruise their egos. Instead of telling him what he’s not doing mention things that you could do together. It’s all about communication. It sounds like YOU are doing all the work in the relationship….if he doesn’t start trying to make an effort soon you may be wasting your time hon. Let him know that you have him and your kids on your mind…your only trying to make things better for all of you. Good Luck!!!
• You can’t blame it all on yourself.It takes two,to make or break a marriage.Try counselling.If he agrees.Sometimes that makes things worst though.In your case it would have to be a male though or he will say that you and the female counsellor are ganging up on him. Try to get out of the house together more often if you can. Spice up your sex life.Give him time to be alone or with his friends.You to need time to yourself to just sit down with your friends and communicate to adults for a change.Give that a try.I hope it works for you.Good luck.
• express your feelings, explain what is in your heart and make a beautiful wish for the future! http://themostexpensivewish.com/ ; it’s a good and amazing way to tell him your deepest feelings, to touch him and to save your marriage. Good luck!
• Just keep showing him by example….and get counseling for both of you………

  Tell him you aren’t trying to put him down……you just want to try and improve things…… ask him if he sees that you are trying…..?

  Good luck……

• have you tried counseling?
• You and your husband don’t have a clue as to who each other is. This is not a criticism. You are exactly where 90% of all married people are. Ever read – “Women are from Venus – Men are from Mars”? You two are from different worlds – and there’s nothing wrong with that.
  You (woman) are made for communication and generally find intimacy in and through “words”.
  Men find intimacy through sex. He (like most guys) are not geared into wordy stuff. Men cannot find the “feel good” place in all the worthless words. You get pissed that “he doesn’t listen” and then he storms off knowing he’s not going to find any intimacy tonight.
  Sorry – this is the truth of men and women.
  Want to learn how to understand each other?
  “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs.
  He will learn HOW to love you – you will learn HOW to respect him.
  Proof? Ask your husband about R E S P E C T . You will hear words you never heard before.
• The only thing that will stop a divorce….and yes he can divorce you whether you want it or not…is for the two of you to go to Couples Counseling.
• Stop thinking about it so much, and take some time away from the kids to do things by yourselves.