How Do I Save My Marriage

Help, my wife has been disobeying my orders lately. The dishes are piling up and I’m starting to get hungry, not to mention I get no beer for the football.

How do I keep my ***** in line?

Best Answer: sounds like she is keeping u in line u wash the dishes and u want need to depend on her

• If by ***** you mean by calling her a bitc*, then wow. I am not attacking your character or anything like that. But if you were to clean the dishes and make a diner or to for you and her, then maybe it could help. Otherwise maybe ordering her around a lot wont help either (you may choose your own way of working a marriage), but if you were to give more freedom and free choice, see would find that the dishes (or what ever else) would begin to bother her. Right now (my guess) she won’t do them because she does not want to be told to do them (the whole freewill thing again), LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I am not telling to how to work your marriage or that you are a bad person, for I am sure you are not. But if you can and are willing just try the listed method, and see if that helps. Other wise if it does not, just sit down and try to talk it out and see if there is something big going on in her life, or you can do that first. Good luck:)
• You don’t. Your wife isn’t supposed to wait on you. You should share responsibilities. Are you really serious? In this day and age? Please wash your own dishes, make your own meals and buy your own beer. Give your wife a break.
• Post-Its.
• By switching off your mom’s computer.
• Barry, I told you to get off the computer an hour ago!
• Why don’t you just get off of your lazy a*s and do it yourself…?
• talk to your wife
• Sounds like you’re not hitting her hard enough !! LOL
• grow up

My wife has been struggling with post partum depression for many months now. She has withdrawn herself completely from me. She has created a false memory of our marriage as totally adversarial, and will no longer let me kiss her or even hold her hand. She sleeps in the spare bed now. She has a few friends from work who are all single, never had children, and she shares her frustrations with them, I believe they are pushing her to leave me. They’ve never met me.Her father is also about to lose his job and is in a relationship he is unhappy with, I believe he is also trying to get her to leave me so that he can have someone to go through his own troubles with. I know I have no control over what these people tell her. All of her single friends at work have never even met me. She has changed so much due to the post partum, her mood swings are harsh. She refuses to see a doctor. She reluctantly agreed to see a marriage counseler, last night was out 1st session, she said she wants a divorce

Best Answer: Been there, the biggest thing is the insecurity of your love. Flowers isn’t going to cut it.

You’ve got to romance her and never stop. Call her during the day and tell her you just wanted to hear her voice

Hold her face in your hands and tell her ” honey, have I told you how beautiful you are today? , then Honey have I told you how much I love you today?

Treat her like you did when you wanted to impress her enough to marry you.

Buy her “I love you” greeting card for no special occasion about twice a month.

Kiss her often, hold her and hug her. She is very insecure. It may take about 2-3 months to convince her that you’re not putting on. You will see a remarkable change in both of your behaviors.

It’s not easy, but you have to be loving, very nurturing and supporting right now!

• Get to Church do some praying and get your wife to a Dr. it is her choice though and her health if she is unwilling to help herself though you just maybe screwed. It appears she knew exactly what she was going to do at this counselling session. I know her friends and family are against you but I think possibly time for an intervention she needs some medical attention show then you only trying to help her.
• Go see the counselor without her and ask how to deal with your emotions, how to get her to take depression meds, and ask for any suggestions on making things better. If she leaves you the counseling will help you cope. If she doesn’t leave you the counseling will help improve you marriage. Either way, I think counseling for you would be a beneficial thing. Good luck.
• Continue seeing the marriage counselor. Doing so will ventilate her feelings toward you and will shed light on what is the real problem in your marriage. The counselor might realize that its postpartum depression and be the one to recommend seeing a doctor.

  Prayers pls.

• Tell her what you told us: that you love her and are willing to do anything to save the marriage. Whatever she needs, you’ll do it, because she’s your world, and you want more than anything to raise your child together as a family. Sounds like a nasty situation though.
• google the disease, the illness. I kew someone who went two years woiithout sex becuase he loved her. She is still filled with OCD, ADD, etc, and is a professionaol woman. Now, many years later, they have a very active sex life still.
• Give it to God. Whats happens in your marriage happens for a reason, if you are kicking and screaming and she still leaves you, then you did your best and maybe you misunderstood her love for you. I stayed in a horrible marriage but I never gave up and my husband finally left my son and I. and I thank God for NOT answering my prayers to save my marriage. I am happier than I have ever been. All you can do is your best. It is out of your hands love.
• This is a hard situation that I have also been faced with. You are going to have to ride the wave if she refuses to get on medication. There are a lot of things a doctor can do to completely change this. My wife suffered the same thing. She left, filed a divorce, and went through a custody battle for my daughter. I, too, had done nothing wrong. Once she saw that it was in fact the depression, she came back. Came to her senses, so to speak. It took a year for her to return but she had other problems too- turns out to be bi polar disorder. The best advice that I can give you is to let it run it’s course. If she can’t see the problem then you’ll do no good by pushing her. Be overly supportive. Don’t get mad or frustrated. Give her some space so she can differentiate what is really making this happen. Make sure that thick or thin you’ll be there for her no matter what. You are going to go through hell but if the woman is worth it you’ll make it fine. Focus on your child while you work through the rough patch. Best of luck.

I wanted to know if boys would stay in a relationship with a girl who is saving herself or do they run as fast as possible when they hear that.

Best Answer: TBH I have never known a girl to be a virgin past age 20. But if a girl has stayed a virgin I have nothing but respect for her. I don’t think I would run, it would probally make me want to be with her more.

• not sure, but I have a bit of advice. Don’t date until you are ready to…. and the guys you date will pretty much know you and your beliefs, so it should not be a huge shock that you are waiting. If you are waiting, then you really should reserve true dating for finding a husband. You will have in mind what you want and what you won’t settle for…good luck to you and the ones that run, I hope they run fast, they aren’t worth it anyways.
• Kelly, The hard reality is that in todays society being a virgin is not held in high esteem as it once was. Boys will drop you when they find out what your heart and conviction is. You will be blessed if you do find a young man who has been raised with good moral values and does not want to touch you or anyone until he is married.
  Yours,
  Ammoconfidential
• you shouldent care about that dear if they dont understand then the hell with them its a personal choice and u have 2 make that decigion cus not all men r the same some might agree and some might not (dats as far as I know) good luck
• naw..I think thats a good goal and many other guys I know thinks the same way.. you should worry about the people who running as fast as possible though..

My husband and I have been together for 9 years. Our entire relationship has been a battle. We married young because we had a child after being together for only 6 months, had a second child while my husband went to school for 6 years. I have felt the entire relationship I was the only one giving up my life for our kids. I gave up going to school, pursuing my career and giving up my friends to be a mother. My spouse for years hung out with his friends drinking beer and playing video games rather than helping me. When he was home he hid from us saying he needed his alone time, which I gave because he was in school and working full time.

Now that he has finished school things never seem to have changed in my relationship with him and his with the kids. So I told him I wasn’t in love with him and I wanted a divorce. I stayed with him in hope to have a marriage and to do the right thing for my children. We have been in counseling and he has done great. He helps me with kids now, respects me going to school and working. Gives me more respect as a woman and is more loving towards me.

Sounds wonderful right? Well I’m just not happy. I have tried to love him and I have participated in counseling. I can’t’ find anything left in my heart to give him. I’m not sure if this change he has done is honest. Can someone really just with a drop of hat change? If he cared or loved me before wouldn’t he see I cried every night and was so unhappy? I would stay in my marriage just to know my kids were happy and give up my own happiness but is that fair to me?

Best Answer: Firstly, it’s 180, not 360. Second, you aren’t doing your kids any favors. I can say that as a child of parents that just stayed together for my sake.

Yes, he can change. Believe it or not, guys aren’t that observant. His first inclination that things were bad may have been when you told him you wanted out. If you choose to stay with him, you will have to trust him and open your heart. If you can’t do that, you should leave now.

I have been raised to never give up. I love my husband so very much, and I believe he loves me. He often says so. Things have been very rocky the last few months. He’s naturally withdrawn and I a say “let’s get this stuff (”issues”) out and over with so we can be happy again”. We don’t argue or bicker on a daily basis. Things go from 0 to 100 in 60 seconds. But after 3 years, I think we can safely say that no love was ever lost between us after the fights. We both feel some resentments assuredly, and equally have no idea what’s next. Just found out that he’s moving out until we get some counseling – his choice – because he always leaves. And he always comes back and says he’s sorry, etc. I forgive anything he does and says. And I have my share of issues that he deals with. His pending “temporary” departure from home is premeditated, and it is different. We are acting like grown ups I guess. I’m afraid to be without him. I am afraid he is never coming home again. We want this marriage to work, both for us, and for our son and daughter. We are very different in our daily lives, but have the same dreams and ethics. But are we just destined for failure? Is it supposed to be this hard? I guess I could use enlightenment.

Best Answer: I say that as long as you are both committed to working through this and to saving the marriage, then you are golden.

Yes, marriage is HARD. But as you know, nothing is gained without hard work. The pay off is surely worth it.

A seperation might be good for you guys. A cooling off period might be beneficial in order for you both to try a little inner reflection into what you’ve contributed to the issues and YOU can do to resolve it.

Please get counseling. Try several counselors if you want… you might not find one that you’re both happy with on the first try, so keep at it. Also, set a premeditated “resolution date” for your husband to move back in (if he is willing). Having a set time to work towards that goal will be productive.

Follow the advice of the counselor, no matter how lame you might think it is. Show your husband that you’re serious about working this out. Tell him often that you respect his need for space right now, but that you miss him and love him.

Don’t guilt trip him and don’t wallow in self-pity. Use your time apart constructively in the relationship and as an individual.

Good luck and don’t give up!

• Bad place to be, both you and the children. If you think it broken, never to be repaired, then my advice (having divorced two women) is move on as quickly as possible, as you don’t want the children to wonder for a long time will they or won’t they? I am in a third marriage and never happier….so be brave.
• my friend just turned me onto this therapist. check it out.

  http://www.passionatemarriage.com/index.…

  it’s completely different from everything i’ve tried so far. it’s often sexual, but very enlightening into yourself & spouse. good luck!

• i am in this same situation right now but he has never left before. i am so scared!!! we never even fight. he just hit me with “i need a break”. i know he is not cheating. i dont know what do do and i need help. i cant live without him.
• I gave up when, i never wanted to see or hear him ever again, I actually
  hoped he would’nt ever come home, I know it’s horrible, but so was my life back then. We tried couselling, he didn’t see anything wrong.
  it was hopeless.
• I think you answered that question for yourself cause you know once you’ve had enough and you can’t take it anymore then its time for you to throw the towel in cause you cant find mr. right having mr. wrong hanging on your arm.
• Try this site. U don’t have to be of the religion, but lots of great advice i got from my own marriage counselor and I could have got the same info for free from this magazine! IT WORKS!
• When i was reading your story i felt very depressive. Are you guys happy with each other? Do you really want to stay with each? Do you care about each other? I feel like there is no communication between you. Communication is very important in any marriage.

  I guess you are very strong to face a problem and your husband is looking for a place to hide.

  …if you still love each other there is the way to save your marriage.But i think one person is not enough to save relationships of two!

  I hate telling people “you better ask a specialist” but i think in your situation it can help.

  Good luck!

• Sometimes the best thing for everyone concerned is to get some breathing room, and if worse comes to worse, accept that things will not work out as you wish. When my marriage got to the point that I knew my children were suffering more than my husband and I, and that the quality of life for everyone involved would improve with the dissolution of the marriage, it was scary for me, yes…I will admit it was. I was going to be a single mom, maintaining two jobs, a house and trying to keep a lifestyle for my kids that would give them some semblence of normalcy. I had never taken care of the finances, insurance issues, repairs to the house, mowing the yard…all of those things he did, but once he left, it was all up to me. I was often overwhelmed and it was a struggle, but it can be done. And my children and I had a good life regardless. And it was best for him…I see that now. Good luck. Just tell yourself, sometimes you drift apart and splitting is the only thing left to do.
• Pray! A family that prays together-stays together! I have been married for nearly 25 years. We have had our ups and downs too!
  But as long as I had the Lord in my heart, things have always worked out. Give it to God, give it all to Him! This is what He is there for.
  May I suggest a book to read? It is the best christian, fiction book I have ever read! And I read a “lot” of books!
  “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers.
  You could never, ever regret reading this and it could just save your relationship-your love and your life!
• if you haven’t been to counseling yet then it’s too early to throw in the towel. Once you’ve been to counseling and the situation still doesn’t improve then you throw in the towel. But as long as both of you are willing to make the effort to make it work then should give it a chance.

  no, it shouldn’t be so hard to make things work but you went into the relationship knowing that the two of you didn’t communicate well and that he was prone to walking out until he cools off. Make a real effort to learn how to communicate better and if your situation still doesn’t improve then you know that you weren’t meant to be together.

• What the specific problems, you both need to get resolution/compromise and then move on. You both have some growing up to do and the one steadfast good thing you both have going is the spirit not to give up on the marriage. His getting away, running away, can be a good thing or a bad thing. Depending on what he does with his time while away. Does he focus on fixing the problems you two have or does he escape for a while to get relief? The latter is bad and it takes two to fix a marriage. Good luck.
• Have you ever heard of John Gottman? Google his name and check out his site. He has several relationship/marriage books out (try amazon, even your local library) and they are all good. He has studied both successful and unsuccessful marriages for over 20 years and has research that supports that it is not the issue/conflict (even if it is unresolvable) that breaks a marriage, but how the couple processes it/addresses it. He even has a DVD version of the intensive 2 day couple’s workshop that he and his wife lead in Seattle. You can order it from his website.

  Dr Phil’s “Relationship Rescue” might also be worth a look.

  It sounds like neither of you are willing to walk away yet so you owe it to yourselves (and your kids) to at least look in to other options. What have you not yet tried… make a list, discuss each idea and start trying them.

  All the best to you.