My hubby and I have been married bout 8 months, everything was going great, or so I thought! We just moved, bought a truck, he told me how much he loves me all the time, and how he was so lucky for having me, and how he wished we had met sooner. I have 2 children from a previous and they adore him and he loves them. Then WHAM 2 weeks ago his ex gf starts callin an things, and then he admitts to me, that on July 4th, he cheated with her that morning, and he says he doesn’t feel like there is as much love between us as there was. I didn’t even know we were in trouble!! It was going great. What do I do now?!?! I don’t want to lose him, and I want our marriage to work. Yeah we have a lot to work through, but he made vows to me before our whole church. What can I do? The ex knows I know about it, and I have emailed her(nothing mean) just telling her how I feel woman to woman. I don’t want my kids put through the pain again of a broken home. Please help any advice is welcome!
Best Answer: 8 months and he cheated on you, this relationship is way doomed,,, sounds like he married you because he was trying to help you out and then it dawned on him the responsibility, the blended family responsibility and he buckled.
if you cant work it out,, think long and hard before marrying again, your kids need you more than you need a man,
- Wow…so sorry!
As a mother, I can completely relate to you wanting to save your marriage because of your children. At the same time, if it’s not going to work out and you’re unhappy then the children will see that and in turn, be unhappy themselves. After 8 months he cheated and the ex is calling, then she is apparently trying to re-kindle some old flame. And all of a sudden there’s not as much love???? As hard as it will be, the best thing may be to leave him. If he cheated with her, there’s nothing saying that he won’t again…and with other people.
Now, if you feel that the two of you can save your marriage then by all means go for it. Just remember that it will always be in the back of your mind and it will be nearly impossible to ever trust him again. Just sit back, take a minute, and see your future together if you remained married to him. Then make your decision…
- If he felt like there was nothing there between you 2 anymore, he should have been man enough to tell you before he cheated. Is he will to go to counseling with you? Does he want to work things out? If not then you have no other choice but to end it.
- You got stuck with a looser. I wouldn’t even try to save this. He’s cheated on you after only 8 months of marriage! You are not doing your children any favors by holding on to a bad relationship. It will send them all the wrong signals, of what to expect in life.
- I don’t know if you can work it out. You have to ask yourself – can you trust him again????
- This attitude drives me nuts. No you should not GIVE him a second chance, he needs to earn it. If he wants to stick around, then you OWN him. You are the boss of him. Every password and email account is open to you. You have the right to inspect his phone, his voice mail, and know every number he dials. You OWN him. If he is going someplace other than work, he must tell you. He should expect you to show up any place any time. You OWN him. He needs to earn you back. See the difference.
- I’ve read the answers to your question and everyone is telling u right u need to drop him i know u married him for the right reasons and u thought he was a good mate, and u got married in front of the whole church, but don’t stay in a marriage because of your pride and what u think others might say, he broke the union u had w/ him once he cheated and committed adultery so the bonds are broken and he will cheat again either w/ the same woman or others, he’s basically telling u that he doesn’t love u he said “he doesn’t feel like there is as much love between us as there was” which means he doesn’t love u anymore or in my opinion maybe he never loved u in the 1st place! Don’t invest anymore of your time in this marriage, the simple fact that his ex knows u know means he doesn’t even respect u!!! Get out before your kids grow even more attached to this JERK!
- Tell him he killed all the love you ever had for him and you do not tolerate cheating under any circumstances. Tell him you’re real picky about who you choose to have as a role model for your children and he isn’t it.
- Well darling – I don’t know if there is much that you can do. It sounds to me like you have always been the rock and always been there for him, now he’s doing his own thing and making his own decisions in which you cannot control. Let him know how this makes you feel and have open communication with him to figure out what caused this ordeal. If he wont communicate and is convinced there is no love left – then you need to move on. As hard as it is. I hope things work out for the best!
- Get real his ex,could care less how you feel(woman to woman,lol)As far as hubby goes he has been lying to you,he has been kissing your *ss,because he felt guilty.The truth is he has been shagging her more than once,he told you,so it will appear to be honest.So now when you ask him if he is cheating,he can pass the test,by saying honey the only time i cheated was that one time on the 4th with my ex.You know what needs to be done.
- Drop him. You haven’t even been married for a year and he fesses up to cheating. This guy is not long term material. I am embarresed for you and I feel sorry for your kids.
Shouldn’t HE be the one on here asking questions about how to save his marriage? Honey, do not tolerate that not even one time…I PROMISE YOU IT **WILL** HAPPEN AGAIN.
- the big question is does he want it to work we know you do. you cant make it work if hes not willing and its hard to get over things like this happening to you. He may just be telling you there isnt as much love as he thought because hes playing a whole new game your not in……….shes back and old feelings are back in the picture sit down have a heart to heart and see what he wants then decide what to do
- Sit and talk with your hearts;think about your kids;if you have to make changes;you have to do it for a better life.
- I’m sorry sweetie. My husband cheated when we were married for three years, he just said it was a mistake and we were having hard times so it was an escape. I chose to stay in the relationship and work through it but now it’s two years later and I still really struggle with trusting him. Its not going to be an easy path but if you both dedicate yourselves to the marriage I think it can still be saved. Hang in there.
- Unfortunately, it depends on whether he wants to work it out or not. If he is not willing there is nothing that you can do about it. Talk to him and see if he is willing to work it out or go to counseling. I wish you the best of luck
- Oh hunny, I’m truely sorry to hear this. I always think “once a cheater, always a cheater” If he admited it to you, and if he did it, that means that your husband didn’t love you as he claimed that he loved you. Now that the ex is around he is more likely to do it again. Are you ready for more heart-ach? He is mostly likely to cheat on you again. Just talk to him, about what went wrong and if he is trying to be serious in the marriage, and take you seriously. If I was you, I would leave him, thats just disrespectful.
Good Luck
- you cant save the marrige devorcie is the answer
- Clearly those “vows” don’t mean sh it to him if he cheated after only 8 stinking months! You need to get out now before you kids become even more attached to him!
- divorce. you can’t save that
- It is not uncommon for someone involved in an affair to make those kinds of statements.
This Other Woman knew about you and his marriage before she chased him for sex, so don’t bother communication with her, it’s a waste of time. She is not the one who made vows to you, your husband did. This OW is only looking out for herself and will use your contact against you.
Tell your husband that you love him and want to work out your problems, BUT, you cannot continue with three in your marriage. Make the first demand to be that he stops contact with this OW. That means no ‘friendship’ as she is NOT a friend of your marriage and that while he continues contact, it will delay any rebuilding of the marriage.
Ask him to join you in counseling. Look for a counselor certified in couples/marriage counseling.
Ask that he get tested for STD’s.
Below, I am giving you a link to a yahoo group that has many links and articles saved in files that may help you deal with this.
- once a cheater always a cheater. Let him get back with his ex
LOL Well I love this section & i decided to ask an interesting question…
the generation today is mostly having sex before marriage. what do u think of this? everyone has his/her own opinion about it.
P.S: Why do most people mock virgin males?
I kinda like it when a guy is ready to save himself for marriage, thought he might be ill-experienced lol.
Best Answer: Most people will test drive a car before they buy it….. and that’s just a car. It would be VERY disappointing to find out your spouse was terrible in the sack AFTER the marriage vows. I know people often say sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship. For me, trust is the most important but sex, good sex, is a close 2nd.
iam married for 5years and have 2kids.ours is an arranged marriage.we have been talking for a year& then got married.since day1 of my marriage,he strated complaining about my behaviour,which he doesnt like,example the way i talk,the way i sit,stand etc.few of them i tried to change to suit him,few i couldnt like the way i walk etc..he says i do everything like my dad,which he hates.as u know its all in ur genes that cant be changed.others dont do that with me only he does that.he slowly started punishing me for that.he started abusing me verbally me &my family,then he started beating me(not vigorously),he sometimes hits himself,bangs his head on wall,breaks a fan,& now he uses filthy language against my parents which i couldnt bear anymore.
on the other hand after the fight ,he says he loves me,&please dont leave me.
in fact he does loves me &my kids a lot,he buys me everything that i ask for &keeps me happy &respect my parents a lot.its only in anger he does that with me alone.help?
Best Answer: I have two words for you sweetie “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” i’ve been on the end of that nightmare so know exactly how you feel. I know this is probably not what you want to hear but to be honest with you, you have 2 choices…………..you can either stay and let this carry on, and believe me if you stay then everytime the beatings will get worse,they might start off as nothing much but in time that will change.You have to ask yourself how much can you actually take??? How long before you are put in hospital??? And then of course there is the mental abuse which in itself can do more damage than physical abuse!!! And then finally you have to think of your kids – think of the damage it must be doing to them, you might not think they know anything but believe me, they’re not silly, they will know!!! Even if they haven’t witnessed anything. Or your other choice is to leave, what the hell gives him the god forsaken right to treat you like this…….he has NO right what so ever!!! Honey there is plenty of help out there for people in your situation, you have just got to find the strength to be able to take that help, please please please dont let him do this to you. I’ve had the “OH I LOVE YOU, I’M SORRY, I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN” but its NOT love, and he DID do it again, dont do what i did and put up with it for 10 years, your husband needs some serious help!!! Your not alone, please remember that, i’m here if you need to talk xx
- If you are happy in the relationship, stay in it. If you like the way he treats you, fine. but i strongly think he has no right to abuse you. it is illegal and puts you down. Tell him that if he really loves you, he would stop. It isn’t your responsibility to stay in the relationship. separate for a while. use the time to think. stay with your parents. i’m praying for you.
- This man is a LOSER!! Don’t change your ways for him!!
He is ridicullous!
By the way- He doesn’t Respect you, or your family!
- marriage counseling
- You don’t need to SAVE your marriage you need to GET OUT of your marriage. That’s not a marriage!
- Jassi, this can be a two fold problem. One, your husband is rebelling because he doesn’t like your parents and everything you do reminds him of them. Or two, he as an anger management problem. People who have control problems are usually angry people.
Let me tell you this, there is no reason for someone to abuse you in any way. You are here defending a bad behavior. Well, he is only like that when he is mad. Nonsense, it will get worst. He goes off in a tandem and comes back to apologize to you. Sit down and talk to him about what it is doing to you and the children. Especially the children, you don’t want them to become like him.
- Honey he is already developed an unhealthy pattern. On the one hand you say all these terrible things he does and says to you and your family, then on the other you say he makes you happy and he respects your family. How that that be? Its admirable that you want to save the marriage first, but you can’t do your part and his part. He has to have the want to change, and honestly, I don’t see that. He is comfortable with his behavior and then apologizes and says he loves you just to keep your head confused. Which it seems that he is succeeding. I would say you need to get out of that bad situation. If he doesn’t care about you then you need to care about you. But if you can’t just leave asap, then start writing down all the times he hits you or verbally abuses you. Write down how it made you feel. You will see that its a pattern and hopefully will open your eyes. Love can be a scary thing especially when you are so deeply involved because you might find yourself allowing things to happen if you didn’t have those feelings. My best advice is to stop thinking with your heart and stop rationalizing and start thinking with your head and use common sense. If you knew someone going through what you were going through would you tell them that everything was ok? Be real to yourself.
my husband and I fight all the time for no reason, for example; last sunday we were going to his mom’s house, when we were about to leave i remembered that the baby’s car seat was at my sister’s house and she was not home so he made me get in the car without a car seat and was driving erraricly zig zagging very fast my baby was crying i was terrified he was acting nuts! He got mad for that simple thing, he tells me that i’m soo stupid etc etc.. and then yesterday I had his phone because i was waiting for a call ( he was at work) anyways in the afternoon his phone recived a text saying “hi” supposly from “jose” and I replyed posing as my husband turns out it was a girl!! I confronted him and at first he denied it but then told me that he met her at a bar, chatted a while and asked her for her number but that he just did it for fun! he wasn’t really going to do anything that He didn’t even like her. How does he expect me to believe that, it’s BS!!!
He promised me that he won’t talk to no one again behind my back, I just don’t care anymore our marriage has been a hell since the start so i don’t see why I should stay with him anymore…
Should i give it another try?
Best Answer: if it was hell from the beginning what makes you think that it will change now?
- It seems you been giving your marriage another try too much! He might not be cheating yet but he will! He is just probably seeing if he can still get a girl! I would think for my kids sake, are you happy, are they? If not then there is your answer! If you really want it to work then tell him you want to go see therapy! If he says no then there is your answer again! Good Luck!
- no your not…when your married fun is with your family…not at sum bar with sum girl…there is more to it and i think maybe talk to the girl and ask her abt it???? goodluck your very forgiving…men some times don’t know what they got till its gone ….how would he feel …if you met a guy and had fun/???????mmm
- he is putting you and your child in danger and what is his responce to this?
sounds like your man needs to grow up some!
sorry i can’t answer your question i don’t agree with divorses. tho if he is cheating or abusing you then i can see it!
your call if you feel these are happening!
- I wouldn’t say give up just yet because you have never actually caught him in the act of cheating. It is normal for men to try to still see if they are still handsome.But too many people are getting divorced now a days. I would say seperate for a little while just to see if he acts like he want to still be there. If he goes out his way to make you happy again then he’s a keeper if not you know he’s just not into to like he used to be. ITS REALLY HARD WHEN CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED.
No you were not over reacting, but you were wrong for texting someone back in his phone.That will let him know you can;t be trusted with his personal posessions and will make him hide more things from you. If you didn’t have any intentions on doing anything about the text from the female you should not have said anything.
- I dont think you are overreacting. If you want it to work i guess you could try but make sure he is not bar hoping and geting other girls numbers. Only do it if you think you can trust him again. think about your kid and thiknif that is really what you want you do. It dont seem like he cares to much either. Maybe if you say something about geting divorced he will straighten up a little. HOPE EVERYTHING GOES GOOD FOR YOU!
- Why give it a try if he is moving on. First you have to make sure that he wants the marriage and if he does then seek counseling. If he doesn’t want to do that then you have to wonder if he actually wants it. And if it was nothing with the girl then why would he go through steps to cover up who he was chatting with. Personally I would see how many times that number appears on the phone bill and see how much he has been talking to her and how long. Compare the times with when he leaves the house. And then after that decide if you want to move on in the marriage.
- If your not happy with your relationship then you shouldnt stay, doesnt seem like your happy, he was driving crazy with your baby not in a car seat!! thats really sad that he would want to put his child in danger. and how would he feel if he had your phone and some guy texted you?! My bofriend has girl friends but they dont text him out of the blue just to say hi!! I would be pissed if I was in that situation I would leave, at least til he gets his act together!!!
good luck and do whatsbest for u and ur child!!! God bless!!
My fiance and I are starting a Bible study for engaged and newlywed couples… I’m trying to find a good curriculum right now.
Can anyone recommend one? It’s basically between:
1. Saving your marriage before it starts
2. Preparing for marriage
3. making the most of your marriage
Best Answer: Go to your nearby Christian bookstore, and they can sell you something like that. And give you advice. There’s also a Christian Magazine that’s pretty geared to married couples I saw last time I was in a Christian bookstore.
- the bible
- rocking the roles
but i think its ok not to wait.