How Do I Save My Marriage

I am in desperate need of advice as soon as possible.. I have major problems with trust issues and my husband though I have no proof of him doing any wrong, it is just me… I am so jealous about every little thing and then at the same time I am and want to be this secure woman for him and for myself, and I just dont know what to do.. how can I just say that I trust him, he is truly a great guy.. please help..

Best Answer: Yes, repeat this over and over when you “worry” but you don’t want to…

“DON’T TROUBLE (verb) TROUBLE (noun), UNLESS TROUBLE (noun) TROUBLES (verb) YOU.”

It really does have a significant meaning. It means “don’t worry” unless it is absolutely necessary.

If you can’t do anything about it, then it makes no sense to worry about it. Que sera, sera. What will be, will be.

• you obviously don’t trust him but the fact its it is unhealthy. So the cure is to go out and do things for yourself, go out with your friends take up a hobby. find things that you enjoy doing to occupy your time and energy. what happened that led you not to trust him? Unless you catch your husband red handed you wont catch him cheating. he will just deny your suspicion and you will just become crazier trying to prove that you are sane. Since you cant prove it just spend the energy you exhaust investigating and do things to better yourself.
• Live your life dang girl! What a waste of time it is to sit and worry about everything! You can be in a great relationship and still have a life of your own, and then you’ll stop worrying about that silly stuff. Jealousy is a SIN-stop wasting your time pondering on your insecurities! Go out there and enjoy life! When your husband sees that you have hobbies he’s want to spend more time with you and be more curious about what you do. Give the guy a break
• To be truthful, you know what the problem is you. You need to build your self-confidence and get busy with other things in life ( have other interests, like a job/hobby).

  Jealousy is not an attractive trait. Men are turned on by self confident women, who can function and have a life without being dependent on them for their happiness.

  I would recommend you read this book. Why men marry bitches by Sherry Argov. She does make some sense, but be careful you don’t take every advice, carefully sort and work out what works best for you.

  Wishing you all the best.

• If it is just you, you should get counseling for yourself. You either have low self-esteem or are just insecure, but can get help to find out why and what to do to help yourself overcome the insecurities. Also, you should talk to your husband and let him know you are insecure, not because he’s done anything, but you are. Let him know you are working on getting help.
• The issue is not with him. The issue is with you. You’ve got to believe that you are a valid, worthwhile, meaningful person who has 1000s of good attributes that anyone, ANYONE would want. You’ve got to improve your self-confidence and believe in yourself. Once you trust yourself with you, you will be able to trust someone else with you. Good luck.
• I suspect there is an underlying issue at work. Have you been cheated on in the past? Have you thought about counseling? The problem you have is of your own creation. You can be something you are not, but you can become more comfortable with who you are and why you have certain beliefs. I don’t think you will find the answer here. See a professional.
  Good Luck!
• Find out what happened in your past to make you feel like this man will deceive you and work on that. Tell your husband that you trust him. Do something that will boost your self esteem and you will gain confidence in yourself and then in your relationship.
  Good luck.
• repeat it over and over in your head, and then have a serious talk with him about cheating or doing whatever you don’t want him to be doing. if you don’t have any proof or suspicions, don’t worry! he is probably not doing anything wrong, just your nerves!!!
• you’re insecurities will drive him away!
  you have to get you’re heart on the right path and keep it there…why don’t you try comforting yourself,by being with you’re man more.maybe that will work.if he’s not doing anything behind you’re back and not cheating on you,please try and trust him.
• Just tell him that you trust him youre just very insecure and it doesnt have anything to do with him its something within yourself and that youre willing to work on it.
• Go for individual therapy to help boost your self confidence.
• give him some space. i know it will be hard, but try to notice any differences in his daily life. for example coming home late from work. then if this continues, ask him about it
• not to late….take a deep breath and relax….think of all the good qualities in yourself
• we might advice you but u are the only one that can change this situatuion have some counsilng and see what happend

I met and fell in love with the girl of my dreams 7 years ago. we got married 3 years ago. We moved away and everything was fine. Once we came back to our families and firends she has been a totally different person. I have been a bad person to her too. She left about 4 days ago and I need to know what to do… can i get her back? She got an apartment and is moving in this week. What can I do? We sat down a couple weeks ago and she said I was being controlling and agnry all the time. Now the other day she sat down and told me that I was back to normal. she said i did everything right and that she doesnt feel what she felt before this all happened. She says she is not in Love with me anymore.

i’m 23 and she is 20 turning 21 in march.
we have a 3 year old son.
I can garuntee there isnt another guy.
How do I prove to her that I can change????? I know she loves me still I think i have hurt her so much that all she is seeing right now….

Best Answer: Don’t listen to all the negativity that people are posting. You can make it through this if you are both wanting too..and it sounds like you want to very much and she is cautiously willing. So that is good.
You are both young with a toddler and you’re a newly married couple…so with all of these changes in your lives that can be alot to take on and manage. It is good that you are both realizing that there are changes that need to be made to make your family work. So suggest to her that you would be willing to go to counseling even if it is once a month or every other week. It’s not a bad thing to have someone in the middle of the issues to sort things out.
Just keep on being open with her and be honest on your wanting to change some things. Also take some time to take her out…just the two of you have an evening out once in a while…be silly have fun…just be together…I bet it’s been a while since you have done that. If you combine those things together you are off to a great start.
Any relationship needs work and there will ALWAYS (no matter how long you are married for) be rough spots that need to be worked through…it’s ongoing. But as long as both people are committed to each other and seeing the family thrive then your really working from a good foundation.
Don’t give up there is ALWAYS hope!!! Best wishes to you in winning your wife back!!!

• if she won’t go to counseling, all you can do is give her space and love her from a distance. ‘Hold on loosely, but don’t let go..’ it may not be enough. Usually when a girl says the ‘out of love’ it’s either another guy or you have really hurt and devastated her. You are both young. jesus i had no idea what i wanted when i was 20-25. Since you have a kid, you’ll always be ‘in contact’ with each other so if it’s meant to be maybe you’ll get back together years from now. Whatever you do–do not smother her now. if she asks for a divorce, give it to her but make sur she knows you’re doing it for her and it isn’t what you want. fighting it will only hurt and stress her and the woman always wins in the end if she petitions for divorce
• You got married when she was only seventeen, I am guessing because your son is three it was because of that, you met when she was 13. You have been all she knows. By your own admission you hurt her. She is growing up and she is changing , that would happen no matter what and you can not stop that. You know she has been faithful to you, and you still treated her badly. You want her to believe you changed, you are going to have to prove it and that iwll take TIME. You will have to accept her growth. You will never have that trusting 13 year old back. You are going to have to fall in love with the woman she is becoming. You have to make the woman she is becoming fall in love with you as if she was a totally new person (which she is). You have the fact you have a child together on your side. This means she will have to see you at least in reference to your son. Use those opportunities to get to know the new her. She may have to date to realize that you are not terrible. You will have to accept that. If you dont want the divorce , is it in your heart to give her the time and space she needs to grow without it? Would you agree to a long term separation while she sorts things out ? Only you can answer.
• You’ve been a bad person to her. Hmmmm, Is that a new way of saying you screwed around on her, and got caught? Pal, breaking a marriage is easy. Any idiot can do it. Now, you are hoping for some magic solution, that will fix your marriage. Sadly, it doesn’t exist. It may well be that you will get to learn what visitation, child support, and having a new guy teaching your son to do things is like.
• if theres no divorce yet its not too late. give her some space. while apart do as you would want her to do to you. if shes willing to still see you, try to make a date once a week with her for starts. if you guys can be friends once a week, maybe she will start to remember what she fell in-love with in the beginning and be willing to work on things. you have to give her time and space and try to be friends before she will give you a chance again.
  good luck
• Justin: Sorry to hear about the falling out you three had. Well; 7 years prior to her walking out on you would make her 14 years of age approximately, and you, 16 years of age. Here’s where the “train” leaves the “track” ! Plainly; you both, were way too young to be involved in a steady relationship. Seldom do relationships formed while the couple are in their teens (especially, early teens), ever last. During the course of the teenage years, the body and mind are developing towards adulthood in a process called, “maturity”. Girls tend to feel like they missed out in their individual lives with dating having exposure to other guys, friends etc., etc. , as they become older.
  Your ex has hit that apex in her life and has told you she’s “not in love with you anymore” ! She is telling you the truth, has broken free and wants to pursue her own, life now … without you.
  The real victim in all of this is your 3 year old son, who won’t have regular exposure to his father during the entirety of the zero to seven years phase of his development and thereafter. Proving to her “that I can change” won’t really matter to her right now, as she has committed to living away from you. Being a new you just won’t cut it with her … she’s beyond that ! Even, IF she were to return to you right now … she will come to dislike you all the more and break away. There is nothing that you can do. This is why, getting involved too early – too young, is not smart because you pay for it later on in the relationship. I wish I could supply you with the euphoric answer to your problem but there isn’t one. Good luck to you Justin.
• You don’t deserve her back.
• It’s too late. Move on and find someone new.
• sad how fast a love can be spoiled so quickly. there is no worse feeling than being on eighter side of this. you can prove you have changed as time goes by now. it will take her time to trust in you an trust in your love again. and remember if you do get her back to handle her with kid gloves.
• try marriage counseling, good luck
• maybe she will agree to go to a marriage counseling
  both of you
• Once you loose the respect and or attraction of a woman it is almost impossible to get it back. She married one person and found she got another.

  You need to get your anger problems resolved. it is likely you misdirected them to her. You have left a lot out of what went on here but I am guessing coming back to family was not your idea.

  If she truly does love you and I have no doubt you love her you must get help with your anger. My guess is she no longer feels safe with you and until you resolve that and begin being that person she thought she had permanently you have little chance with her.

  Ask yourself is it worth it. If yes then you have your answer.
  But don’t expect your relationship to improve just because you want it to.

• Take your family away from all the bad influences. Then get couples counseling to prove to her that you think your relationship is worth saving. Be the man she fell in love with in the first place. Remember how it was with you two in the beginning? It takes a ton of effort to maintain that in a marriage, but it is soooo worth it. You know what to do. Stop looking here for the easy way. There isn’t an easy way.
• ALL I CAN SAY IS ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS,
• It sounds to me like you could both use some time apart. Try to see it as a good thing. A time for both of you to clear your heads. Then, when things have settled in a few months or so, you can talk things out more clearly and go from there.
• I think crow_326 gave you some really good advice. The best think you could probably do right now is give her the space she’s asking for…hopefully she will realize what a great guy you are.

  Ask her to just let you know when she wants to get together and talk, and give her the time she needs, and talk with her when she’s ready.

• In order to prove you are able to change you have to make the changes and demonstrate them for a couple of years. This doesn’t help your current situation but its the truth.

  Nobody can make lasting changes overnight, in your case you admit to a history of treating her badly. My advice is let her move out and maintain contact with her and your son.

  The more you try to pressure her at this point in time the further you are going to drive her away for you. Demonstrate that you can remain calm and rationale in dealing with this situation.

  If you have anger issues then get anger management therapy, let her know the steps you are willing to go to. See if she will attend couples counseling with you.

• How do you know that there is not another guy? and if you hurt her all you can do is ask her to go to counseling with you. If she sees that you are trying maybe it will be enough? good luck man
• thats the same problem i’m ahving with my husband about the controlling part.you should be more considerate of her. you both have your own lives to live.maybe if you would have treated her like your wife and not your child she would still be with you.here’s a lesson to be taught: STOP BEING SO CONTROLLING! it get’s you now where dude.the only way you’ll get here back if you prove to her that you have change and the you wanna make things work.show her that having a family is more important and that you want her to a life.what i’m telling you worked for my husband.
• send her 4 dox roses
• First… you need to work on yourself. You need to figure out why you have been so hurtful to her in the past. You need to get some counseling to help discover why you feel the need to be controlling and what exactly it is that makes you angry. Controlling someone isn’t loving them ! Love should be unconditional. It sounds like you have taken her for granted for far too long…longer than she should have stayed already. If you can conquer your own “demons” you might be able to win her back. This will take a lot of work and patience. Trust is earned. You can do it… but you have to want to make the necessary changes…for yourself first…and then for the ones you love. There’s more than one side to every story…I’m sure she has caused you some pain as well. Counseling is a great place to start the healing process. Best wishes ! I hope this helps.
• I can tell you that we change alot in our 20’s. And this world encourages change and experience. I can also tell you that for every badly said thing, it eats up a little bit of love until one day, there is nothing left.

  Try to be accountible for your behavior. Responsible first: admit specific stuff you regret. Accountible: Do something that that makes up for each specific thing. And LISTEN to her. She probably has alot to say about the way she feels.

  And finally, call and get into therapy.

• I think you two need to work together for your liitle kid. It’s no time for your wife’s tantrums.
• Oh honey…Females are so complicated. Off hand…I would say that you should let her have her space…she is only 20 years old for goodness sakes. She had a baby when she was 17 years old…poor baby doesn’t even know who SHE is…how is she going to teach her child to be who THEY are. Not that it can’t happen because it can…but still…you putting added pressure on her…that isn’t fair. Yes, you want to be with her…but you can’t force her. You need to let HER realize what and who she wants on her own…and if it isn’t you…sorry honey…but it isn’t you. All you can do is be there for her…love her…support her…and allow her to grow as a person. Maybe she got married too young…(which I think is the case but I wasn’t going to say anything) – Tee Hee
• boy if people could just see what there doing to others or the person they love before this has to take place. dude i dont really know what to say to you to get her back some times the hurts take a long time to heal.
• I know it is so painful but the best thing for you to do at this point is to go to her and tell her how you feel and tell her that you know she needs space and you do too and ask her if it would be possible for you two to save your marriag if changes are made. if she says yes then ask her to give you 30 days to get it together for her and your family b/c she means that much to you. then after that go right to Wal-mart or a book store and buy Wayne Dyer’s book called 9 principles for being in balance and read it and put it into effect. Their is absolutly no way you cant be in balance or happy and in love with life 100% after a book like this . i got it and i swear by it. read it twice. it is that good.TRUST ME! Another good idea to remember when talking to your wife is DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING THAT YOU THINK IS WRONG WITH HER AT FIRST. It is not about who did what it is about saving a marriage. if you point out her wrongs she will not be willing to try no matter what. Bring her flowers,tell her she means so much to you , tell her no matter what her choice is, you committed to her and you will not give up on something that was ,and can be wonderful again. She may be resentful at first and tell you forget it but LOVE DOES NOT DIE. it can be hurt,scarred and tarnished but it dont die. expect hurtful words at first , try to remember she has been hurt soooo deply that she felt the need to be alone so she is not going to jump into your arms and melt. you have to kill the pain with love.PLEASE GO BUY THAT BOOK I SWEAR IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! As far as that goes buy her a copy too and tell her that you will let her have her own space and tell her from the depths of your SOUL you are sorry and it took this for you to see that she is your true loveof your life and that you respect her and she completes you.
• Justin . i know how you feel … it is really hard to get someone that you love back into your life.. too bad life doesn’t have a rewind button .. but whatever you do don’t give up . keep on talking to her and asking her how she wants you to be .. she seems like she still loves you but may just want some time alone .. if you do give up then love will just slip away.. trust me i have been through this .. write her letters .. apologize … be romantic .. being romantic is a key to a woman’s heart. propose to her another time .. renew your vows … get a diamond ring .. let your feelings out.. compromise .. show her that nothing about her bugs you..
• Well, you guys are both really young still, and she’s turning 21 soon, maybe in her mind she wants freedom and feels that she can’t have it being with you since she thinks your controlling her. I would write her a letter and tell her how you feel, and maybe get some marriage counseling, if she’ll agree to it. The fact that she already has an apartment isn’t good. What have you done to hurt her? It might be something that you not going to be able to “undo.”

  Best of luck.

• Does the family and friends except her that may be an issue
  do you act differently whenyou are around your friends and family
  women are very sensitive and can be hurt very easily she may think that your family doesn’t like her or she may think you change when around them. Consider counselling to get to the bottom of the issues that may have caused this sudden change do you spend more time with your friends then her that may be a problem remember even though you are young you are a married guy you must put her and your marriage first if that means spending less time with friends and family so be it. She still loves you but she doesn’t want to be with a guy is controlling her evry move or is angry focus on the things you must change within you
  figure out why you are angry and why you feel the need to control her. When women see this behavior they want to get out because they see it just getting worse. Show her love send flowers do something for her that you wouldn’t normally do.
  Tel her you love her everyday and that you appreciate her and being a mother to your child. This can be mended but you need to resolve the issues you have before you can clearly fix your marriage. Good Luck and God Bless.
• Sounds like a difficult situation. You married young, maybe she is just feeling overwhelmed with everything. Since she is turning 21 soon maybe she just wants to be free, feeling like she lost out by being married and becoming a mother so early in her life-never getting to do the things girls her age want to do. The parties, the clubs. Want to prove to her that you can change? Seek counseling but really mean it, don’t just go in a feeble attempt to win her back. Try to actully learn from the experience, don’t just try to be a better husband but a better person in general. You have a child involved and this will tie the two of you together in one way or another for the rest of your lives. Maybe in time she will join you in those counseling sessions. Tell her how sorry you are for mistreating her and tell her you would like to start over again. Ask her to go on a “date” with you, if she agrees take her someplace that is special to her-maybe the place the two of you first met . Be sweet and romantic – include all of her favorite things. Let her know how much you appreciate her and that you are sorry for taking her for granted. Don’t just tell her you love her – show her, in anyway that you can think of. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Let her get that apartment maybe she does just needs a litle space. But always let her know that you love her, try sending flowers to her new place. I hope you find the advice you are looking for . Best of luck to you!
• Go to marriage counseling for yourself. Ask her to come also but show her you are serious by going yourself. Maybe even going to church. You really need to figure out why you treated her wrong in the first place so it doesn’t happen again. Good Luck

Or would you want a guy that had partners before rather than a virgin?

Best Answer: Doing the right thing is never bad. I know it’s hard with the way society is nowadays. To tell you the truth I only did it once and ever since I’ve decided to wait until I am at least sure that it’s the right person. Don’t let people push you to be something you don’t want to be. Or do something you don’t want to do. If you believe in what you’re doing then you should be proud of it.

• I wouldnt consider dating someone who wouldnt have sex before marriage because for me its a very important part of life and I dont intend to get married or certainly not for a few decades.
  As for having other partners, I dont care its all in the past. It doesnt matter either way to me.
• I would rather have a guy who saved himself for after marriage than not. It makes me feel so much more special to know that he’s been saving it for me. I am a virgin too and I would like to have my man be a virgin too, so that we can share the same experiences together and learn from each other even though we might be both inexperienced. On the plus side, you will know that he’s free of STDs.
• It doesnt matter for somebody who loves you.me myself will do it.;)hi5
• No, I think that’s an awesome decision. Your future life should love you for whatever you are, no matter what.
• No I don’t think it’s bad for a guy to save himself. I plan on saving myself until I get married and I would prefer a guy who saved himself as well.
• No, its not bad. It actually good. It shows that you have a great level of self control. But it would be great to find a woman who shares your same values. The going trend is to give it up before marriage, so many wont be able to appreciate being chaste. But dont let that dictate what you do.
• i am, its all good, its a matter of choice and self control
• I would want a guy that waits until marriage. I would prefer a guy that would wait. its turn on to me.

  you can still be good in bed even if you don’t have sex if just masturbate.

  masturbating will help deal with hormones and pass the time as you wait for the person on your dreams.

  PM me if you need anymore help on subjects like this.

• no – -but it’s sure rare