How Do I Save My Marriage

ima guy and i want to save it for 1 girl and i hope to find a girl thats saving it for 1 guy…me.

Best Answer: It’s the same as in any other country. It differs, some save themselves for that one person and some don’t. your best bet is to find yourself a good christian girl, no offense, but they tend to be the ones that save themselves..

Good luck dude.

• it is like searching for the one & only virgin sardine in all of the worlds oceans…………….

  good luck buddy.

• It’s as rare as a virgin infested with a sexually transmitted disease.

I’m saving myself for marriage. The thing is, I really like this guy and when he touches me, I want to go further with him, but I know I can’t. Sometimes I fantasize about making love to him, so that’s why it’s so hard to remain a virgin and I don’t know how much longer I can do it.

Best Answer: The thing I don’t like about these promises of abstinence is that kids are generally persuaded to make them with no understanding of what they’re committing to. That just seems manipulative to me.

You might ask yourself if, knowing what you know now, you still would have made that promise. If not, then perhaps it was for the wrong reasons.

Your options are basically to tough it out, get married quickly, or choose to have sex. The trouble with toughing it out is that it’s so easy to lose control and regret it later. The trouble with getting married is that you might find you rushed into it with the wrong person (or even that you’re not sexually compatible), and then what? And sex can cause its own set of problems, but the thing is that if you approach it responsibly with someone you genuinely love and trust, and use protection- preferably more than one kind- they generally aren’t as serious as an unhappy marriage or unwanted pregnancy.

So perhaps what you should do, whatever you decide, is get on the pill and/or in the habit of carrying protection, just in case. Personally, I believe that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex responsibly, whatever religious instuitutions may tell us, but that’s just me. You have to decide for yourself. Good luck, whatever you choose.

• If you truly want to stay a virgin until marriage, then just get over the thoughts. I’m sure every one else who is planning to remain a virgin until marriage has the same thoughts.

  If you really want to do it, then do it. But is it worth giving up your morals for? That’s really for you to decide.

• He has to know how you feel about your virginity. It has to be as precious to him as it is to you. He has to be honoring it with his own total abstinence.
• You just have to have control of yourself. And it may help if you talked with him about not doing things to tempt you. If he loves you, he will completely understand and try to help you in any way he can.

My husband’s ex wife is an evil plotting slug. She is on her third marriage in a span of 5 years. My husband being the first.They have one child together. His ex has been trashing him saying he is deadbeat. He has paid his child support every month, and has always been a parent to their daughter. His ex is always sending us nasty letters and having anonymous girls call our home and claim they are sleeping with my husband. We know it is her because of where the phone numbers register to. We now have a six month old son together and that has seemed to really anger her. We sent his daughter a birth announcement and we received it back a couple of weeks later, torn to shreds in an envelope.She makes up lies and is always trying to hurt us. She is always needing more money she used to say was for their daughters tuition. We later found out the tuition had not been paid in several months. My husband seems to be afraid to do anything about her behavior. Should I leave?

Best Answer: If you really truly love him you wouldn’t be able to leave. I’ve been dealing with this kind of stuff too and guess what?? It’s made my husband and I closer! Her plan to get him back and convince him I’m a bad person isn’t working! He pays his support, spends time with his kid/s, who cares what she thinks or says. Ignore her! I know….lol…..easy to say not so easy to do right? Well, trust me when I say this because for too long I let her jabs and outright ugliness get to me but in the past few weeks since our last ‘incident’ my husband asked me to do myself a favor and quit reading her blog and other things she posts because he felt it was stressing me out. I quit and have never felt better! You gotta ignore the crazy, evil people is what he tells me so I now do! Don’t leave your husband because of this moron……love him more! He really needs to take a stand tho. My husband was actually afraid of his wife thru their marriage and continued to be after until one day he just snapped and said ‘ what the hell am I allowing her to do to me?’ Since then he can stand up to her. Talk to your husband about this. Also, maybe he just doesn’t give a crap if she bad mouths him…….my husband doesn’t.

I know what you’re going through but do not allow this to ruin your marriage……ignore the crazy, evil morons! Love your husband, love your son and your stepdaughter!!!! Don’t give up!!

Take Care,
Tori

To Authur above – since I’ve been thru something with my husbands ex and have been to see his lawyer, talked to the police and a friend who is a paralegal, some of the things you say she can charge her with are wrong…..sorry. I was told the most that can be done is police report(no charges), protective order(but doesn’t apply to the kids only the ex) and that’s about it. Even if things are sent thru the mail, unless they are threatening(death, etc.). Not sure about the phone calls, we haven’t been thru that! We live in TX. Not sure if the laws are different everywhere. And with the taking her to court, it only stands up if the other party has NEVER done anything back to that person – 2 wrongs don’t make a court case! Trust me, I’ve been slammed and have all the blog enteries and emails plus voice mails for the past 3.5 yrs but the lawyer says just hold on to them for later use. Can’t say what use publicly but they will come in handy later =)

• Do not leave him. That is no reason to do that.

  You two need to go to your local authorities and put a stop from her. That is called harassing and is illegal. And if she is not using the child support money for the kid, she can even get to jail, and the kid will automatically be transferred to your husband.

  I would hire a lawyer to get everything solved, from getting her to jail, to bringing his kid into your home. That kid is not responsible for what is happening, and if things are as you said, that woman is not the right person to take care of a child.

  The kid’s future is up to your husband, you can talk to him and give advice, and hopefully you will be more than happy to “adopt” his kid. But is up to him to decide what to do. Now the ex-wife, is also your decision as she is harassing you. Just collect some proof, like record the phone calls, the phone number with the caller ID, and collect all those letters. Then hire a lawyer and put a restraining order on her, and sue her too, and request for her to be put in jail.

  Good luck.

• You should have realized that your husband’s first responsibility would always be to his first family. You just have to be polite, and let him deal with the ex.
• I believe you can get a no contact order against her , check with local law inforcement and they can stear you in the right direction.. She couldn’t bother you then. You can exchange the kids in a safe place like the sheriffs office or something..I would start keeping any c alals from her on caller id and keep all letters aas proof.. There could be slander and defimation of charactor there…I am in kinds the same place , but it is my wifes ex husband and no children involved..He broke her protection order several times and has been in jail 2 times.

  Good luck anda don’t let this go on..

• Call the authority’s on the phone calls and don’t give her any extra money, if she needs more for tuition or whatnot, pay them directly. She is a sad sad woman and needs to grow up. Don’t let her ruin your marriage, then she wins. I hope he sees his daughter regularly and never talk about her at all, I’d act like she doesn’t even exist when the child is with you.
• While it will be a source of tension between you and your husband, understand that it has nothing to do with him, but the crazy ex. She is apparently a very unhappy person and wants everyone else to share in her misery. Leaving will not solve the problem. Allow his daughter to share in the delight of having a normal family in your home and being the proud big sister. If you feel that the daughter is in danger, then by all means go to court to fight for custody. Then she can pay child support and when she doesn’t, feel no remorse to send her to jail. Maybe that will make her become a more responsible person and she may learn to appreciate what she has.
• wow what an evil b*tch!
  I dont blame you at all, i wouldnt wanna deal with her either, but i can tell you, if you leave your husband because of how stupid and miserable she is, your gonna make her the happiest “evil plotting slug” there ever was, (i like how you said that, i used to have one of those lurking in my neck of the woods too, but i put a stop to that mess quick!) I’d put a restraining order on her so quick it would make her head swim, put your foot down, tell your hubby your tired of her and your gonna take action, and if he doesnt like it, tell him to hit the door! You go get the restraining order, you dont have to wait on him to do it because he probably want, but she is affecting your life too, and when she brakes those restraints file charges on her ignorant a$$…good luck girlfriend. You remember, if he cant be man enough to put her in her place, then you dont need him. Your child doesnt need to be brought up in that either. You’ve gotten some good advice from your readers, listen to them.
• What a scary situation. If you can, consider moving into a new home with your husband and child. He will have to keep sending child support, but maybe get a PO box number so she doesn’t know his exact residence or home phone number. I would limit any conversations with her and avoid her as much as possible. She sounds like bad news in a big way.
• One must fight fire with fire. Call her mother, call her father. Tell them she’s HIV positive. Then get to work on your hubby. Make this guys fantasy come to life. Give him something he can’t live without. Set some new land speed records if you know what I mean. Beat her time. Wicked is a waste of time if it’s not done with alure. She maybe bad, but she isn’t attractive, just another screaming *itch, with a blown love life. Tell her you feel pity for her. She’s just a postcard from nowhere. Spend some money at the Electric Boutique. Get ready. He isn’t competent in this, your going to have to carry the majority of the load. Make it count. Leave and you’ll regret it. You have the upper hand, and you have him.
• No way. You can charge her with stalking, harassment, slander, defamation of character and probably some other things. You can also sue her for these very things. Notify the phone company of what shes doing. Hopefully you keeping a written document of every contact you have with her and anything else pertinent to this case as you will need evidence in court or for the police. You can also petition the court for a remodification hearing for child custody and try to have her declared unfit due to mental instability and go for custody yourselfs. Like I said youll need hard evidence of everything and definitely dont use hearsay as you cant prove it and the judges hate it. Also bring any non-family witnesses you have. If you have the evidence, I dont see any reason for you two not being able to gain custody, or stopping her little games. Good luck
• geeze…just laugh it off…do not leave as u have a child to consider…just ignore her…and well–pitty her…her life is a shambles and she idolizes you…u have the life she wants…and that is how u must look at it…
• if you love him…stick it out..though it will be tough and could get worse…remember that you 2 are a team and have to provide a united front concerning the ex. As for her trash talking, I went through the same thing with my husbands ex, the only thing you can do , and this worked for me, is keep your mouth shut. Your step-daughter, as she gets older will make up her own mind about you and her dad. If you stoop to her mothers level then you are no better than her. Just ride out the storm and it will get better. Child support has to be paid or you’ll both wind up in trouble with this. What her mother does with the money is up to her, unfortunatey she can get her nails done with it, if shse feels the need. As for the calls, I’d call your local cop shop and tell them you are being harrassed. Change your phone number and get caller I.d. Use a answering machine to screen your calls, and only pick up if you know it is her, and if it isn’t, you now have a recording to use if it is needed.
  My step children were 5 and 6 when my husband and I got together. They have always lived with us.They are now 16 and 18. They love their mother and I. She trashed me when they were younger, but the children grow up and make up their own minds. It is stress full at times, but I wouldn’t change what we’ve been through. They are mature well rounded young men who know they are loved by 3 people. We never talked bad about their mother, we didn’t want them to feel they had to pick sides, that is not fair. Just hang in there…it does get better
• You shouldn’t leave if you love your hubby. As for the ex, all exes are evil!!!! Instead of givnig her more money for the “tuition”, have her send your hubby an invoice and have him pay taht kind of thing directly to the school. It’s hard for her to accept that he has a new family and is happy and that probably drves her to insanity. if you love your husband, stay, but take the ex with a grain of salt.
• This woman sounds like a nut & what type of people do you think are listening to her? Other nuts perhaps. I can understand why your husband is afraid. You don’t know what she is going to do next. I would distance myself from her. Don’t mail her anything about your life, she is not your friend or family. Change you home #. Get a pre paid cell phone and give her that number, tell her this number is only for her & his child Advise her she is the only one that has it. Therefore if anyone other then her calls you are going back to court to request a no contact and she will get her money through the court. I am sure the other calls will then stop. I would not leave my husband because of her. Also she is looking to break up your marriage. Good Luck and stay strong.

My husband cheated. we went through the drama and decided to try and make our marriage work. He is trying so hard and tells me that he is no longer seeing this woman. He is loving and attentive and we are at least friends again. We do alot of things together. everyday he tells me that he loves me I love him, but I am scared to let him get to close. What should I do? We’ve been together for 11 years and this is the only time this has ever happened. How do I keep from ruining my marriage? we’ve gotten to the place where I can let him touch me again, but He thinks that we need to have sex everyday to prove he is not sleeping with anyone else. I just want to try to get things back the way that they were.

Best Answer: Your husband needs to allow you time to heal and part of the healing is being able to open your heart and being able to express your love to him intimately. You are not ready and should not be made to feel guilty over not being ready. Cheating is a betrayal to one’s inner being, the trust is trashed and in its place enters doubt and insecurity. Your husband sounds to be truly remorseful and is doing all he can to get the marriage back to where it was. But the thing here is to get the marriage better than what it was, because the way it was must not have been that great if he felt the need to cheat. Get into counseling so that you both can have the help you need to repair the damage that comes from cheating. It is understandable of how it is difficult to open up your heart again to him for fear of getting hurt again. The feelings of oneness and that trust that comes with feeling connected were destroyed when he cheated. But part of forgiving takes risk, and part of risk takes courage. You need to make up your mind to forgive him totally, for this I reccommend counselling. Good luck to you!

• I think you should do some couples therapy. You can see a psychologist, therapist, or a minister etc. You need to be able to forgive, heal, and trust him again. If you don’t get through this then you will always be wondering why he cheated, will he cheat again, etc
  He needs to find out what caused him to cheat so that he won’t do it again. Was he angry with you, did he develop an emotional attachment? These are all important questions.

  If you have good insurance you only have to pay the co-pay. If not you can get counseling through a church.

• For one stop thinking you are ruining the relationship. Your husband cheated on you and he broke a vow. HE is the one that is ruining the relationship.He lost your trust. So he says I am not going to do this anymore and you expect things to be THE SAME, If he loves you and wants your relationship to work, your husband will have to be patient and earn your trust back. It may take years. I would not trust him at the moment either, it takes time.
• You are correct, sex is not the answer. You need to talk to him and explain to him that it simply takes small steps at a time to rebuild the trust and the relationship. While you have to some degree forgiven him, those memories of him cheating don’t just go away. He needs to respect that this will take time and he needs to respect how you feel. He created the problem and now he needs to realize the way back is not so simple as to just have sex.
• WOW! You say that he thinks sex every day is the way to PROVE he is not sleeping with someone else? That is a new one.

  I would say that he needs to be himself and be attentive, be your partner, go places, dine out and just be great companions and friends. Sex every day is ok if that is what you require, but you have to have other things in your life to back it up. Good luck!

• OK let’s start with the last thing first. Honey, things will never ever go back to the way they were. Accept that and make a choice:

  Either stay with him and forgive him or leave him – and forgive him.

  I really urge you to get into couples counseling. He’ll go if he’s really as committed to working things out as he says he is.

  It takes a long time to get over this kind of betrayal so get some professional help right away.

  One thing to consider: the way things were – caused him to stray in the first place – so why do you want to go there again?

  Good luck honey.

• Your going to have to realize that its not just him that needs to work on this, you need to work just as hard as he is. If that means you having sex even if you don’t want to so be it. You need to start acting like you use to with him before this drama, and eventually, it will start coming more naturally. All your doing is giving him less of an incentive to change and might things right. Good luck
• You have to do what you’re comfortable with first of all. Oh and … YOU will not ruin your marriage if you choose to leave him right now .. he cheated on YOU, not the other way around so HE ruined it. Don’t ever let yourself think that way.

  It took me 4 years to start honestly liking my husband again, and he never slept with his little whore (I stopped it before it could get started). It’s your time line, not his. If he doesn’t like it put his *** on the street.

• I think things could eventually be cured but he should know that sex is off limits for a while because of that. Just try acting as if you were dating again. Think to way back then and take the steps that you took then. If that makes sense. I’m sure things will work out, everybody makes mistakes. Just follow your heart.
• You shouldn’t have to have sex everyday to prove anything. You will have to forgive him and move on or you will be stuck. The best way to move past is to let it go, I know its hard but you won’t have a chance if you hold on to it.
• You don’t know this is the only time it’s happened, it’s the only time you know about! You can’t go back to how it was because it’s different now. YOU didn’t ruin your marriage HE has! You need to decide what HE needs to do to save it!
• Things will never be exactly the way they were. They can get better and be closer than they are now, but it won’t be the same. My suggestion is for you to both try counseling. Communication and time are all that can rebuild the trust he lost.
• Man, that sucks. I think it is cool that you are working to save the relationship, but that is definitely a tough one. If you really believe that he is committed to you, then it will just have to take time to let old wounds heal.
• ask a psycic. syvia browne does a internet radio show every thursday on hay house radio and you can call in for a free question.
• Please let us know if you intend to have sex every day to cure the after effects of the affair. I too will have an affair if that is the punishment I must endure.
• man that sucks (sorry for the pun) the likely hood is he is still talking to the woman, but maybe counseling or something to get communication back between you.
• I do feel for you, been there done that after my wife cheated on me the first time it was months before sex felt real but it did work out, it just takes time.
• Best of luck to you. I wish there were an answer…
• takes time. Pray
• Pray.. a lot.. everyday… it will work and your marriage will heal.
• Possibly, maybe “things back the way that they were” wasn’t enough for him. Consider marriage counseling. Having a sounding board (the counselor) to unload on, who can ask the appropriate questions needed to figure things out, who has no vested interest in either you or your husband, who’s main goal is to try to make your marriage good for both of you, is what it sounds like you need. You’re husband has ideas of what makes for a good marriage which doesn’t seem to agree with yours. You want to get back to the way things were when your husband wasn’t satisfied with the way things were. There’s plenty of love and respect there. But you two have issues that need to be aired so you both know what the other expects, and you both need to work out agreeable compromises which is easier to do with a counselor to keep you on track, suggest ways of getting you back to comfort and trust levels again (it is a trust issue with you).
• I am in a similar situation like this right now! I found out about my husbands infidelity just recently, and I snapped, and we seperated for a little while, and I still don’t even trust him 20% out of 100%! It is still fresh in my mind, and I feel like a fool at moments to even take him back after that, but I love him, and I didn’t get married to just give up! You have to do what’s right for you, and never feel like you were in the wrong because it was him! I went through that also(because I was pregnant at the time), but I got over it, and we are working things out! Just know that even if things don’t work out, you did your part in the marriage,you kept your vows, and because of that, you will get all of your blessings in the end! God Bless and Good Luck!
• It sounds like you guys are on the right track. Are you guys in counseling or reading books together? I definitely think that marriages can overcome infidelity – I’ve seen it. Its going to take time, and as much as he wants to put it in the past – trust needs to be built back. Explain to him that you want it to work and that’s why your still in this, and that you love him but please be understanding that its taking time to heal.

  Tell him that the best way to prove himself is allowing you to heal and trust again – not sex everyday. You need the emotional attachment, not the sex.

  You guys may need some outside advice and help on how to set boundaries and how to prevent infidelity in the future.

  - I think that its amazing that you two are willing to work this out and you are willing to do what it takes to keep your marriage together. Forgiveness is hard to do and isn’t heard of much these days. Your vows obviously meant a lot to both of you. Best of luck to you and your marriage!

I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and 1 year old. I am college educated and gave up my career to take care of our children. My husband has cheated on me several times over the past 3 years. All of these “encounters” have been purely sexual none of them emotional. He even received oral se* from a woman he had only known for 30 minutes in a public place. This happened in August 2008 and since then I struggle daily to be a good Mom and face him every night when he comes home. We are attending marriage counseling but since that time I have caught him telling two “white lies” about an overnight work trip. We discussed this with the counselor and she told my husband that he cannot lie about ANYTHING even little things as it is very destructive to our marriage. I know people will say get some self-respect and leave him. I am attractive, intelligent, have a strong faith life and feel that yes I could find someone else. However, my parents have been married for over 30 years and I want to provide the same life for my children that I had. Really all I want right now is for my husband to be empathetic and understanding when I get emotional about this. He says he doesn’t know how to act like that and I am going to have to put in the work too. I am so confused on how to help him I really think he has some serious emotional issues that are leading to all this destructive behavior. Any ideas at all on what I can do would be appreciated. I am literally getting physical ill over this….migraines, constant stomach/back pains and taking care of my kids through it all. I was just sitting her this morning going over the letters with my two year old and got a sick feeling in my stomach wondering what my husband was doing. I want to help him so that we can all have a better life. Please help!

Best Answer: I am literally getting physical ill over this….migraines, constant stomach/back pains…

You feel this way for a reason, a very good reason. How ’sick’ are you willing to become to save your marriage? Does your husband feel this ’sick feeling’ too? I would certainly talk about this in counselling, and let him know exactly what you are experiencing as a result of his ‘cheating’. How do your kids react to ‘mommy being sick’ like this?

It seems to raise more questions than it answers. I commend you for staying true to your wedding vows, and you most certainly do not deserve this situation. I hope your husband is able to see what his behaviour has done to you, and to your children.

One step at a time.

• You are already in counseling, so thats a good first step. The only other thing I could suggest it for you to start going to church as a family. It’s true, what they say…. “the family that prays together, stays together”

  Give it a try, what you do have to lose?

• did you marry a man or a large child that needs constant supervision?what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. give him a taste of his crap,or move on to a better life.
• I would recommend The Love Dare challenge from the movie Fireproof.it is an exellent marriage tool

  fireproof

  challeng

• The average person will not be of any help to you because they have never been in your shoes. I do believe there is something in your husbands past that makes him the way he is. I don’t believe he loves these other women but it is nothing but sexual contact. Your husband will need to dig deep into his past to find the problem and correct it. I have a friend who had this problem and it took him years before he finally figured it out. It wont be easy for you but please try to relax and realise your husband does truly love you so take a deep breath and try to understand & try not to come down on him hard. He knows the mistakes he has made and needs a helping hand and not condemed. Be his lover, not his doctor.
• You sound very sad. You should sound very mad. You did nothing to deserve what has happened, and it is your husband who needs to fix the problem, but he is putting it on you.

  I hope the counseling helps, it is what I would have advised. If he is not willing to change his behavior, your marriage – if it survives – will be miserable. That isn’t good for anyone. You cannot duplicate your parents’ 30-year, stable marriage with a man who cannot commit himself, as well. You would be better off doing something else.

• He says he doesn’t know how to act like that and I am going to have to put in the work too.”
  Your husband has told you that you are going to have to do ALL of the work to keep your marriage together… he clearly isn’t willing to do any of the work involved. He is still lying and has a sex addiction and will continue to step out on you. He won’t get help as long as he doesn’t consider it a problem.
  Your parents are from another era, and not every marriage will last.
  You can learn to emotionally detach yourself from the situation while the kids are so little, then make plans to extricate yourself from this marriage.
• well you can’t save a marriage that doesn’t exist. don’t fight for something to save it and the other person is fighting to destroy it. sounds to me that you are doing all the work here. I would understand if he had cheated on you 1 time and said sorry and changed, but he has cheated 3 times- and it’s going to keep happening. it doesn’t matter if it was just a sexual encounter and nothing emotional. he is disrespecting you and you deserve better and he doesn’t seem to want it to change. If you love your children and yourself you will try to find a way out of this situation that is hurting you and in the long run hurt your children too. you shouldn’t just stay because your parent have had a long marriage- some just don’t work and sometimes it’s better to be alone (with your children) then in bad company. good luck.